Parenting Help
When Your Adult Child is Narcissistically Abusive (8 Tips)- Evening tv
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Thanks Evening
I have my last child at home. He is 16 and showing signs. Plan to give him my best self before he becomes a full adult. Now that I understand I can apply these good parenting skills towards him and encourage my husband as well. He is a good kid but needs more structure and strong firm guidance. But I know discipine with LOVE is the strongest motivater. Thanks so much for helping and hoping us believe in our children.
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It is worse!
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Thank you for your thoughtfulness on addressing this issue. I purposely divorced my ex while my son was still young ,age six to spare him from witnessing the degradation my ex was unloading on me. But the bashing of me behind closed doors impacted my son none the less.
My son is now 19 and using classic narc tactics and idealizes his father and sees his father as the poor victim who mom divorced. Years of brainwashing that mom broke up the family and the lie that I took poor dear old dad to the cleaners.
So untrue, I was so desperate to save my sanity that I left my house and rightful assets behind to make a clean quick break.
Narcs are very clever at duping children but children do grow up and learn to discern for themselves. Like a garden , I have sown my seeds of love and support and will always continue to do so for my son. I pray daily for the soil , ground of his heart to be softened .
I will always keep hope in my heart for him . Watching tapes of your son writing beautiful sensitive songs and especially that one song about you, made me cry and smile.
What a precious gift to your heart to have had that honor to experience a kind caring young man. I am so sorry for your loss .
Thank you for being so open hearted with us. I learn a lot from your insights and always feel encouraged afterwards.
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I believe that I may have had a great discussion with you about your previous video on this issue. As I listen to you process this out verbally, I really resonate with how you are 'sorting it out'. It is unbelievably hard to 'be caught in the middle', i.e. having to leave abusive parents, and yet at the same time, having our kids abuse and discard us. I spent years trying to figure out how I could have raised my kids so differently than how I was raised, and yet be abused in much the same way as when I was a child. I listened to so many videos that implied that I HAD to be a narcissist to have had children grow up into narcissists; it really messed with my head when things were already so difficult. I think it boils down to three factors in the growing human being: a genetic component, an environmental/parenting component, and a spiritual component. There is TONS of mental illness in the family tree. (And if you add in other factors, like the influence of extended family members…well then there really is a mess!) The psych world makes it far, far too simple when they attribute all of personality disorders to simply being abused or traumatized in childhood. Most human beings have suffered some sort of trauma, many as children, and they don't automatically become disordered. You are so right about chemical dependency looking exactly the same as narcissism. I fear that is why I didn't see this phenomena in time…I thought it was addiction and that was hard enough in itself. I have lost loved ones in death, and yes, I thank you for acknowledging how hard it is to lose someone dear that is still living. And yes, a big big red flag on any parenting channel is when they blame EVERYTHING on the adult child, and take zero responsibility at all. Thank you, Evening…for your honesty and thoughtfulness.
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Losing a child to narcissism is heart breaking. I don't cry much anymore but it still hurts.
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Though I will not post any details publicly, I certainly needed to hear this.
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I understand all your pain, I was severely abuse by my biological parents since I was 4yrs old. They we're married if they fought I was blame for it and beaten up with any object. I used to go to sell empty bottles just to buy my unemployed father cigarettes for 20 seconds love. Out of 5 siblings i was the only rejected one as small as I was my mother reminded me how my father regret having me and I was a curse in they life. I was disowned when I turn 14yrs and my siblings informed me they were happy seeing my pain. I fell pregnant at the age of 18th and the abuse was getting worse I was treated worse than a animal if I fell sick or hungry our last born stole medicine or food for me or else I have to ask from neighbours sometimes i go for few months without food its how I survive. Than my mother started accusing me sleeping with my dad and chase me out of the house she will call me back and repeat it again all my relatives close they doors nowhere to go I turn to God my 2 kids were taken from me by my parents and poison against me. Today they are adult children and they are my current abuses in my own home they are unemployed and I take care of them. They have relationship with they grandparents and influence by them I love my kid's but sometimes I want to commit suicide or run away from my house I'm a orphan (I'm alone) on this earth!!!
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Narcissism is a drug.
A parent is no more responsible for a child making the choice to become a Narcissist than they do have any control over or responsibility for their child becoming an Anorexic.
Narcissism is "EMOTIONAL ANOREXIA". Anorexia closely resembles an Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. Fear and Shame is at the core.
FACT: Children are far more influenced by their peers than they are by their mother or family.
FACT: Narcissists are more the product of caring Empathetic Parents than they are the product of Narcissistic Parents. The Narcissist quickly learns how to manipulate their loving, giving and caring Empathic parent.
Because Narcissism is a drug. A Narcissistic Parent is more likely to produce a Co-Dependent or Empath than they are another Narcissist.
The definition of Addiction is: The DENIAL of the SELF.
Narcissists are at their core, Emotional Cowards who suppress their true Self in order to avoid the pain of Shame, feelings of inadequacy.
You can model all you want but your child will still become an Anorexic, The little negative voice playing in their head is much louder and stronger than any parents encouraging words and positive reinforcement.
FACT: Children go through horrific trauma's. Wars, death in family, mental illness in the family. Despite this. they make the choice to become better people and often do. During wars, parents don't have the luxury to model, read to their child at night. Parents struggle to deal with their own trauma,, yet, these children overcome and strive. It's a matter of choice. some children Fight, some Flight into Narcissism, alcohol, drugs, obsessive behaviors. Some children mature at 8 and take responsibility for their actions, some children never mature and choose to "project" their shame, anger, pain onto another, significant other. most often mother.
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I have to admit that I went through a phase & cringe at the memory of my lack of empathy. Parents must have very solid, rational boundaries & be the adults. You need a really solid backbone.
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My ex completely brainwashed my son over the years and was so selfish and detestable when trying to deal wth her. I started having problems with my son in his mid teens and I tried very hard to build a good relationship with him and it was ok off and on until he got married and over the first year or so he became more and more 'not there' and it was very hard on me and I had lost my second wife tragically… it was huge hole in my life and I wound up using/abusing drugs and got into some serious trouble (I had initially been prescribed for an injury) i had been very clean most of my life prior and saw how alcoholism destroyed a few of my friends. Its been years since I saw my son and he makes and uses the excuse of my drug problem as his excuse to be angry with me.Somehow it came out in the open (long sad story) I still haven't given up and it feels so strange because I never dreamed in my worse nightmare that this could have happened. I have been clean multiple years now and been in therapy ( I have a much deeper understanding of the situation and how narcissism and psychological things played into it but its still so hard and I want to see my grandson who I haven't seen since I held him when he was born. I know in my heart I sincerely tried to work things out and do feel that it was his thoughtless and cruel behavior that pushed me over the edge (although I take for it responsibility for it and know that I made a bad choice that cost me dearly. I hope that we can somehow mend the horrible abyss between us but I know his wife is just like his mom (if not worse) and I feel that any decent woman worth their salt would not be down with alienating their spouces father (but then who knows what she has been told) I want to express my deepest sympathy to parents who have been alienated and its something that is so awful and in some ways worse than death. God bless you
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Our son is a narcissist. He has been abusive, kicked in our door, lied about us, threatened us. What is a person to do. He is forty years old. We cannot take this anymore.
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I am happy to see someone addressing this situation. I too have also had to distance myself from both my daughters and my sister. I do think they are narcissistic of different flavors. My marriage has been 45 years long and they have been exposed to their father's behavior for a long time. I do not know how much is inherited or how much is learned. Both have different fathers. My father is a narcissist so it makes sense for my sister to be one. We either become codependent or narcissistic if we grown up in dysfunction. In my family of origin, two of the four children became codependent and two became narcissistic. One is actually a sociopath. Of course, the problem is with me not anyone else. I have been the scapecoat for many years. I feel I have lost my entire family in a car wreck. They all turned on me when I started setting boundaries and holding them accountable for their behavior.
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You are correct, its easier to separate your child from behaviors in addiction. A loving parent will always see the core self inside. This is doubley fucked because as a parent its easy and useful to cluster b and enablers to make me the daily scapegoat. Twisted reasoning that narcs use and throw on your reality at whim. No support. Thus here I am. Seeking. The only relationship I can't just walk away with esp since helping raise a baby in my home, and role model that compassion and meet needs when the npd parents check out.. They hate when I demo self respect. That's when the rage comes to the surface. It sucks so badly and its so unnecessary
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Your not addressing an adult child who is a narcissist. I'm a great mom and her dad didn't want her. She hurts me at every chance she gets. Her dad died over a year ago and she grieved badly. She has been off work for a couple of months and I truly thought we'd get together. Not so. I think I need to get into a support group for parents of narcissist children. She is 47 and I'm 70 and see no hope.
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Honey I am going through this .. I was tooo hopeful and had more confidence in my family than I needed to… My family constantly humiliated and degraded me in front of my child .. It is soooo ingrained into his brain that the relationship seems to be beyond hope . I am going through hell right now .. I faught to stay in the picture and be there for him and fighting now to try and do the right thing .. but I am wearing down .. My son is abusive with me almost daily …
First thing .. is stop blaming yourself .. I think we all get a deck and do the best we can do .. but there is only so much we can expect …
I myself was a result of a unwanted pregnancy and my own mother was competative .. jealous .. and spiteful person who often pitted people against each other .. she could get her clinches into peoples brains and really cause divisions .. she was really good at painting herself white and demonizing other people and that caused a lot of dysfunction in this family ..
I was sooo persistent that I was not going to abandon a child and held on when I should have gotten him to a better situation and realized my family dysfunction would have a bad outcome .
but my son is 35 and it is time for him to let go . this is miserable for me right now .
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The psychoogical effects on me of being born unwanted and shifted around in the family is everyone encouraged me to believe that my situation was ok and that everything was ok .. so I accepted that i was supposed to be treated that way … and for a while I continued accepted being treated badly … it took years for me to wake up and come out of that ..
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Genetic i do think plays a role .. I had the calmest most gentle grandmother that had six children and 3 of them were simply mean … and I know it was not her fault .. my mother was one of the ones that was mean
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it is difficult to raise a child in the middle of a famiy that does not uphold your respect and authority
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I might would tell a mother in that situation that if she feels she needs to get her child out .. not to feel guilty .. it is almost impossible to be an effective parent under those conditions .. I have learned my lesson.
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This topic of an adult narcissistic child are almost impossible to find on the internet. You find tons of them about abusive narcissistic parents. Thank you for making this video and I hope this title of narcissistic adult children will become easier to find. as well. God Bless you!!
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My daughter rejected me , now I rejected her
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Did your child develop unhealthy narcissism? What do you think caused it ? How did you handle it? Pleas answer in the comments like, share and subscribe.
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