Parenting Guide
Trauma Bonding Healing From Narcissistic Parenting
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Michell im glad your ok and looks like you survived,I enjoy your vids so much and they are very good,Thanks for updating and posting.I prayed for residents of florida for safety…
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'The moment you begin to trust them'. That must be a green light to start the process of disorder.
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Dear Michelle, I love your videos, you bring such a clarity, pragmatism and tenacity to your healing journey that truly inspires me! I can especially relate to the way your reckoning with the narcissistic dysfunction in your husband in the end tracked back to your mother. I would love to know: Have you ever delved deeper into the intergenerational trauma transfer in your family of origin? Like a genogram of some sort, to track the sexual and emotional abuse and the narcissist/codependent patterns? Do you think this is relevant- and does it in the end help along the healing process, or do you think other things are more important?
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I got my first hug from NM at age 50, it was like hugging a corpse.
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They will have you flying behind them trying to keep up with their capricious antics (the most damaging aspect of abuse), strenuously attempting to prove that you are worth not "losing favor" with them (these nobodies) who think their "better than" and can do no wrong. Once you realize the rubbish you've been fed by your narc parents, you see what a con it was.
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I have been studying this all day. The woman I have been taking about is Trauma Bonded to the mother of her once boyfriend who is in prison for 10 years for murder! The mother wants her wait 10 years for her son, she does not work, or go to college. She just sits in he house in service to that guys mother. The first time his mother went after me was because I said hello to her. That is when she said that she was 16 when she is older than 21, she never allow her to talk, and I notice she bows her head when his Mother is around. Then she goes and hides while his mother lies about any relationship when there is none at all. She has 3 bothers and a mother yet people are saying she has no where to go. But she lives with drug dealers thinking she is not in the same danger mas they are.
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Hurts for you and me to listen that Call, sounds like my !MOTHER!
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Take care everybody! Michele you are so helpful! ❤
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Thank you Michelle. ? Can you please do a video on dealing with aging narcissistic parents who needs care? I've created my distance, but the guilt and feeling of responsibility to them is eating me up.
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Its hard to accept the truth that the narcissistic mother will never give you a close relationship with them. Healing really does begin when you stop trying to get their approval. Thank you for all of your insight on this issue.
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THANK YOU SO MUCH Michelle. Yesterday I recorded my mother while having dinner with her. I want to send it to you once I have translated it, but it's the same – THE TONE. Everything you need to hear you hear in the tone already.
You are so right, all the best to you. ♥️
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i hugged my mom and went i got home my bed moved by itself…pure evil. narc…
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Great video Michelle and I totally relate cuz (as I've mentioned before in previous comments) you and I have the same type of NM and after hearing your story long ago I've always related to you in this way BIGTIME. SO glad you made it through Irma ok, too!
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Thaaaaaaaankkkss :-*
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I think my father had no idea of himself as a parent. I'm sure I was a pure projected characature of what a full blown person would be that he needed around to manage his emotions and just be whatever he idealized in order to get vicarious positive attention. He loved to show me off and he never wondered how I felt. I got the sense he loved me because I was interested in anything he wanted to talk about and he related to me as an adult. I realized when his mood would destabilize and I had to think quickly of some tactic to distract him long enough to get away from him with my knees shaking from fear of his crazy rages. You are right, there were times when I could forget what a monster he could become out of the blue. I truly felt his little heart so happy that someone wanted to talk to him. Grandma was horrible to him. I heard all the stories. I knew he was screwed up and I had to protect Mom not the other way around so, it was no wonder I married the same charming man with the narcissist mother like yours. Stephen was her trophy child. I really want to talk to his brother, the black sheep about how he came out of her clutches less broken. I don't peg him for a codependent but hard to tell. I cannot believe I perfectly reproduced my worst nightmare!
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You are a strong woman
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Thanks
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My life 100000% – thank you!♡♡
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It's made me cowar down to other people. I am intimidated by anyone who doesn't seem to Like me. I hate that about myself. When I feel that someone doesn't like me it bothers me and makes me wonder what I am doing wrong to make people not like me. My entire life I've ran from intimidating people I think they see a weakness in me and that then causes me to feel intimidated and it causes them to bully me. I hate feeling weak or coming to the realization that I'm kind of like a whimp. I'm nice and people take advantage of that – they just don't take advantage of that they push me around and make me feel small. I don't know if I'm explaining it right.
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Omggggg This could be my mothers voice!!! She is the same way. I think it's bc they harbour deep shame over the type of parent/person they are but they'll never admit it. They feel it moreso around their children who they know know what they are…narcissists.
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Glad you're ok Michelle and great video try!
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I listened to this with tears streaming down my face. I wish I would have this information years ago. I'm 66 and the emotional abuse colored the rest of my life. I married an alcoholic narcissist…..on and on. And now I waiver between anger at her for doing it and anger at myself for still being pained by the memories. Please keep making these videos to help with the insight and hopefully healing.
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That's very true …we do blame ourselves for everything
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Thank you for this clear video. I just and am still learning about narcissism my eyes were opened last year. The first time I started learning about narcissism I was in denial it was too painful to accept. Several years ago I stopped trying to earn my mothers love and approval. I stopped buying birthday and mothers day gifts I stopped taking her shopping and out to dinner always at my expense. It was painful trying to earn her love. I was going to visit once a month now its once every other month. When I would visit she is all of a sudden busy now she has to read a sales paper, talk on the phone or do anything to treat me as I don't matter. At first I would just sit and wait now I just leave. She always half hugs me and act like she don't want to hug. I use to call every Sunday I stopped. Now I will call and wait for her to call me a long wait. The phone or communication is a two way street not with my mother. I called her last week I do not plan on calling again. I decided several years ago to limit my contact with other toxic family members. People that state but oh that's your mother I limit my conversation with them. Thank you for your videos. I ran across your youtube a couple of days ago and I am attempting to watch all of your videos. I plan on purchasing your pdf and mp3 thank you for your clarity and helping me not to feel alone.
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I so understand you. Same here Mich.
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I remember the tone… from long long time ago. It was terrorizing me then to think I could be punished for being the reason why she was negative/feeling bad or low
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The truth is I can't even reply her texts now if I'm honest with myself. I haven't replied to her "happy xmas my daughter I love you" text & I feel guilty now. Although I know it's the right thing that I get closer to ME.
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"I was fetishing the damage" wow. Powerful.
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Michelle, thanks again for sharing this. Today when I broke contact with my mother that is why… The undertone of how much hate there is and distain. I wrote her a message and mentioned it. I know it's not going to do anything, but send more flying monkeys at me which is what she does and did. She sicked my stepfather on me Who sent me a long message saying that I broke her heart. The only thing I tell is the truth of how I feel. I am better off without the contact… To her way of communicating is so much like what I hear in this video. Thank you for showing me I am not alone!
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Thank you
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You are lucky your brothers also recognize her behavior. I wish my sister would recognize my mother’s behavior and quit being her flying monkey.
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I wanted to leave home ?the first time at 16 due to my narc father. …. we need to be allowed to get started with our own future… that is life. I fought my way up at 11 n found my own self.
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The A hug. Story of my life. ?
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My Dad sounds just like that when he calls and leaves messages for me. Makes me nuts. He's always so negative!
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Thank you so much for this video. I have been struggling so much with how do I just go No Contact with my mom. I saw a great TedTalk the other day, I think it was called something like "No More Mama Drama". And she talked about how we as adult children of narcissistic mothers need to take our mothers off that pedestal we've put them on. That we need to realize we are never going to get the love we deserve from them no matter how much we try. And to also lower our standards and expectations of them. We are adults now. You are so right in that we do not need their approval or acceptance. That is when it truly hit me and I cried my eyes out. But I felt so much stronger after accepting that truth. Yes it was hard to hear but I needed to hear it to start my journey of healing. My mother is just a human being who has been so damaged by her own childhood. I still love her and have compassion for her but I have needed this no contact to help me unwrap all that is going on in my brain and in my heart. I couldnt have done it with her in my ear, making me more confused. For everyone out there that can go no contact from their abuser I really recommend you do. Take time for yourself. You need to listen to your own inner voice. If it's abusive, talk to a therapist or someone who truly loves you and wants you to be happy and heathly and successful. And start learning how to talk to yourself in a loving way. I don't care who they are, if someone is making you feel bad, worthless, trying to make you believe you need them in your life, please for your own sanity, stay away from them. Especially if you are in that confused state or healing state. You are not an extension of them. You are your own person. Your are special and you matter. It's so freeing when you get to the other side.
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….thank you ever SO much for this video!,,,,
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Thank you for this, this explains so much. Both my parents are narcissists and use and abuse me.
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