Parenting Help
Tough Love Parenting Style Used to Handle Badly Behaving Teen Son and Ex-Husband
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FIRST!!
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Yes mam you are talking directly to me. My teenage son has become very combative and this is excellent advice. I want him outta here.
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Children’s fathers have special demons.
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Thank you Ms. Debbie.
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Omg now im nervous about what my son will do later ???
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Truth be told this is very common with boys.Men are manipulative too,but go about it a different way.This is why no matter what,let the sons live with their fathers and see them on the weekend after age 12.These boys often have hate towards women and the new men in their mother's life too. Let these boys see how that man is living and let him learn.Honestly,I think he wanted to live with dad years ago,but she may not want to allow it or gets emotional.
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I saw this before my son's dad got a chance to corrupt my son. You can't co parent with an abusive man. These are weak men. Strong men control their emotions.
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Thank you.❤
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Yes all of these ideas are very helpful strategies and are along the lines of things I have tried myself. Thank God I'm not one to show when I'm hurt and start crying because my x and my son would have ate me alive and tried to hussle me when I'm down. Playing to win…❤
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I'm three minutes into the video and I already know what I would do. Take that boy over to his daddy's house and leave him there. No support, nothing. Move to another state and just be gone.
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LMAO OMG you'll talk about his MAMA too???! You know my story. My first husband and the father of my children got on crack and i had to leave him too. However, my kid's dont play that shit. Their dad would see my son's walking home from school and he would bad talk me. My kid's ain't wanna here nothing he had to say. It's been ten years since i left him and guess what, he's still on that shit. So everyone can see who the problem was. I'm gonna share this video with my oldest son lol. He'll have a fit hearing how disrespectful the son is being. My oldest did go through a phase in the beginning because he was confused and angry, but he was 12 and i got him a therapist to work through his anger. Now at 22 my oldest is like one of my best friend's lol. Idk if that's good or bad. I hear people saying you cant be your kid's friend, but does that apply even when they are grown lol.
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?????????????????
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Let the kid get the money directly from his dad and allow him to put it on the mortgage, food, medicine, insurances, and utilities etc. Good advice Deborah. Also, the dad want to give the money to the boy cause he'll get it back when he needs drugs.
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With children it's out-if-sight out-of-mind, especially in the case of boys. Abstract thought comes late in development. So when children are hurting they lash out at whoever is in front of them.
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Very well said.
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I've been there. I put up with it for years after my divorce. I used to come home from work and my ex husband would be in my house because my sons would invite him in. I was being ignored. When I'd snap, I'd be the evil one keeping his children away from him. In the end I told them to go to him. He had roaches, bed bugs and mice. It took them 6 months to finally humble themselves and come home. They've moved out now and real life is hitting them and they're finally seeing what I wanted for them and what I was trying to do.
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Once he gets the son that's when he will go after her for child support. Or most likely his father won't want him on a daily basis.
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You are right about the chores. When I was growing up we had chores — I had to clean the house, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, wash my own clothes. I can't tell you how many kids I know have absolutely no chores around the house. That is shocking to me.
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'You can tell he is a turd…' OMG, I'm over here dying laughing. I would do the same thing. I don't bad mouth my son's dad, but I make it KNOWN that EVERYTHING my son has is b/c of ME! Period…The End!
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Aunty Deb yes you said it all correct!!! I had this same issue but inverse; the bio mom was creating issue w/my guy’s kid & his dad… her negative disruptive behavior was shut down & the son was told in no uncertain terms you can GO! He went & QUICKLY saw he messed up…??♀️
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Whew! This makes me glad I don't have children or a baby daddy!
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U are so right….most black boys go crazy after 12
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Another great video DC! BTW I've know a family friend who son's child mother dropped off her grandson with her son when he started acting up towards her. But in this case the dad passed the responsibilities of his hard headed teen on his mother (who BTW was in her late 60's early 70's with poor health)!
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My grandmother always said it's easier to pluck a weed then to chop down a full grown tree!
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Thank you Deb. Heem I guess I did do everything right. I talk about they daddy, they grand mama they uncle. I don't care because their father did not help me when we were together so I divorced him. I divorced him because he didn't want to work and didn't want to pay any bills and we would starve so yeah thanks Debra for validating what I had to do. Everybody in my circle told me that I was cruel but oh well! I even made videos about it. I did the best I could by myself for my SONS!
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EXCELLENT advice!! I hope this sista takes it. I would love a follow-up on her story.
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Her ex husband sounds like these trolls on YouTube . He is turning the son into him. I would take his advice and not seek child support -I would let the father have custody and let the teen son live with him full time. Teen sons sometimes need to go live with their father because they are now bigger than you and physically stronger than you and they know it and that can cause the mother to be in danger around him . Almost all my friends who had teenage sons sent the son to live with their father once he hits 12 or 13. The father is a piece of s$&@.
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Been through ALL of that, I was told the children feel safe to be angry with the parent that stayed because they're not going to leave. You are spot on because his father is trying to use this weak tactic for not being accountable himself. She is going to have to put her foot all the way down because of PUNKASS daddy. Thanks MS. Deb
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I don’t have any children yet, but I’ve noticed many children of single moms tend to romanticize the hell out of the absentee parent. I’ve noticed it moreso within the Black community because my White associates will speak up and let their deadbeat parents have it with a quickness. I can’t say exactly why children do it because my mom divorced when I was young, remarried and did right by us. We knew who was putting in the effort and who was making excuses However, my assumption with kids who do this is that they have misplaced anger and know the least involved parent will minimize their feelings IF they care about their feelings at all. In some cases they may walk out of their lives completely so they know not to complain. I had a coworker with a teenage son who would act as if his father could do a better job even though he was a weedhead felon who couldn’t keep a job longer than 6 months. Lil’ boy thought the grass would be greener and was excited about going to live with his daddy(and grandma) for the school year. He was crying for his mama after a week complaining he had to sleep on a pull out bed, his dad wouldn’t give him money to buy snacks and didn’t cook most nights. When the Jordans came out dad didn’t even entertain the thought of buying them because he needed money for weed and to get back and forth to work. He said his dad would forget important dates and one time forgot to pick him up from school altogether, LOL. My coworker said when her son came home he didn’t complain or act like his father was Superdad and could easily fix any problem with the snap of a finger.
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Deborah, good advice
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You're gonna be mad at me, lol, but usually teens that act out like this are in emotional pain. They tried to tell a parent about this pain(mom?) and got ignored. I am not saying it's right but a teen won't do this for any reason…
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If you're not his wife he most likely don't even want u to have his kid(s). It was an accident so let it be an accident. He/she wasn't planned so some female can't be mad if he's not mentally and/or financially there yet. If you know he hardly had money to take care of himself why give him an expensive Lil being? That makes no sense. This is why these dumb hoes have to pay for most of the crap. They love fucking dusty dudes with no careers. They should be mad at themselves. ??
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I don't take any crap from males. They can have each other.
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That boy is 16 and, like you said, he knows better. He'd be sent to live with his father, by no choice of his. Period! Giving him an ultimatum could actually provoke him into violence, so I wouldn't even give him options. His testosterone and emotions are RAGING at this point in his life as a teenager. It is not safe to have a hostile male, son or not, living in your home as a single and vulnerable woman. Clearly, she's already set herself up to be in a position of vulnerability since her own child even has the audacity to deal with her in such an entitled and disrespectful manner. Its too late, can't change the game in the fourth quarter. He gotta go with his daddy before he gets dangerous.
We are so quick, as a people, to talk about how the children in white families attack or even kill their parents, but this has actually been a huge issue among black people as well. Matricide rates are up in the black community and the number is rising! His ass needs to go. The mother has already done her job. Since the father is proclaiming to the son that she is such a horrible parent, and the son is ok with co-signing, let them be together. Shrugs.
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That daddy is creating so much chaos.
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Omg Deborrah…you are my new best friend…lol!! This video about the 16 year old son is really what I needed today! Going through something very similar and now I'm being shamed by the ex and my son about telling him he needs to stay with his dad indefinitely after he trashed some of my belongings and cussing at me. He tells my 14 year old daughter that he won't ever apologize and said to her, "mom will be begging me to come back in a week". Nope!!
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