Parenting Help
Parenting Advice For The Difficult Child
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Thank you Lisa, you're such an inspiration for me! I love listening to your practical advice and implement it into my life.
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I am so happy to leave the first comment on this.
I am currently a single mom
with five kids who was married to an abusive narrsicist. I went to parenting classes while married but found it so difficult to meet my the needs of my children when maintaining my sanity was a challenge. Now I am in a much better place. My kids had walked all over just like their dad while I was married. Thankfully they are still young and I am slowly becoming more confident as a parent. The advise in this video especially the point to acknowledge and praise the positive is so important.
We, recovering codependents, did not receive praise as kids. Receiving praise is still uncomfortable for me but my kids need those positive messages to develop a healthy self image.
Watching your videos has helped me repair my boundaries and process everything I went through that led me to be in this position.
I find it so easy to learn from you. Your light shines through.
Thanks for being part of my journey.
Namaste
and Thanks
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Great question. Thank you Lisa for sharing your trials, errors and successes among your children, with us. I treasure all of your content but here I am finally commenting because I'm feeling so appreciative. I'm newly wed with my first 1 year old. The substance you share, non-stop inspires me to non-stop swell with my family 🙂 Thank ya, love ya
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I think you are wonderful. You are seriously an angel on this earth. I'm 26 years old, and I've binge watched all your stuff and have had my spiritual awakening with my narcissistic mother. I don't have any children yet, my heart is happy to know that I can learn new ways to raise them. The last thing I want to do is raise them like my mother raised me. Thank you again for everything that you do, know that your pain that you have suffered here on earth was NOT a waste. You are an angel.
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Thanks Lisa – great video – I can relate to the sneakers on the steps – lol………
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Great advice! Thank you!
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(this is long) I don't want to judge but something caught my ear. You spoke about having a 3.6 GPA and that not being "good enough". I went back to college at 28 years of age, and I cannot tell you how many young adults were running under the "perfectionism" template. They punish themselves for not earning a 100% or 100% plus the bonus points! Everything was stress because of the need to be #1, or perfect at everything. I didn't understand, but now I kind of do.As a single mother of one, it made my stomach turn to see them operate in that way.                     Slowly but surely I came to this realization that you speak of in this video and I am trying my hardest with my little one to point out the positives. She used to not want to clean up because I'd get upset. Then, I started making a game of cleaning up like a game of "toss the toys in the box" or if we clean up fast we get to read an extra book at bedtime, and I try to switch it up. Then, one day, I had to go into the kitchen and she had the entire floor covered with toys…only to come back and find them all put away and she was sitting there with a big smile on her face. I didn't even ask her to do it, I couldn't believe it!!!!                                                                      It works!I just never was aware enough to utilize this with her emergent reading practice, handwriting, counting, etc. She starts kindergarten this year, and I cannot thank you enough for bringing this to the forefront of consciousness. (I dunno why this came out wonky, lol)
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Awesome Lisa as usual. Growing up with narc parents who still point out the negative, I think I did a pretty good job with my kids. I always try to be mindful, but I'm not perfect. I used to be the same way about the house .. Queen Elizabeth. Haha! I can so relate to your oldest son because I had so many thoughts like that myself about my son. I also remember him writing at an angle when he was little, not perfect, but I tried to bite my tongue..I do it too sometimes.. he's a lefty. When I asked him about it he said he couldn't see the board very well. Had his eyes checked, needed glasses. Son now 18, daughter 10, going through this crazy-ass divorce, I always try to consciously point out the good things because I do understand the pain vs. pleasure principle . Sadly I don't have control when they're with their dad. I caught my daughter fibbing to me lately about something silly..fear of repercussions with her dad or for attention? I've told her you can always tell me the truth. If you start to fib, it gets bigger because you have to cover it up, and she said, Let's just have a do-over Mommy and pretend that didn't happen. I said Okay sweetheart. Thank you thank you thank you. You're the best ♡
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My mother is a covert narcissist and I had a hard time getting over my childhood. My goal is to try my best with my girls, so they don't have to suffer through that. I think the key is to listen and care for their feelings as they happen, so they can move on and not have to bottle those feelings for the future.
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my daughter and I sat down together and I let her tell me how much each hygienic task and chore is worth to her. we agreed on each thing and wrote out a contract and chore chart. there is a key at the bottom that has TB =teeth brushed, WH = washed hair, CR= cleaned room, etc. well to her the WH is worth $5 and one of the highest paid items on her chart! the chart is drawn on a poster board to look like a calendar. we have a tally at the end of each week. I let her hang it on the wall where its easy to get to. the grit of the whole thing is that I don't get upset over her chart stuff and typically she brushes her teeth more often than when there are was no chart. she gets paid once a week and I let her do whatever she wants with her money. it is a win win I think and its worth the $10 to $20 a week because it makes my part easier and she gets a toy! I enjoyed the scenes on this video! loved the pictures too! thank you for sharing your wisdom and for being authentic! you are going to directly impact little kids because of this video! I love you Lisa! xoxo
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Thanks again, Lisa…..I have no kids….maybe one day….but your message is so relevant in our dealings with so many other people also, like employees for instance…And once again, it shines a light on our own childhoods, and helps us understand why things happened….And the same principles apply to training animals too…But I was always criticised by my family when I drew parallels between bringing up kids and training animals, so I feel anxiety just saying it, even though it is correct.
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Thank you Lisa. This really helps to clear things up for me about fearing doing tasks. I need to reparent that traumatised part of me that associates pain with this. Do you think this could be a factor in causing dyslexia or dyscalculia (the numbers version of dyslexia)? I remember maths homework caused particular drama growing up and my brain tends to freeze when I try to process numbers.
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I need to get my doctor to help me…. Yes…see the good in people/kids. Inspire/encourage them instead of point out faults.
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Thank you sooooo much for this video!!!
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I really wish that one day every high school would have a mandatory DBT class once a week for Sophmore and Juniors. I say those 2 grades due to the fact that alot of Seniors either drop out or they already have taken alot of the mandatory classes and its the last year so alot is already going on for them so this could actually help them Its really sad that from Kindergarten to Seniors we have all these classes that does not really help in our adult life example would be
P.E Which is intended to teach us about the effects of not eating healthy and getting excercise which I never recall any of my teachers discussing how excercise can lower depression and raise the chemicals in your brain that can help u out mentally cuz if this class actually worked why do we as a culture worry about Heart desiease caused by unheathy earing habits or why we even worry about obesity which in my opinion the studies are blown out of proportion either way this class does not do what it is intended to do. another one would be
Social Studies. which is intended to teach us about history, humanities, and if this class actually worked how much racism and adult/college/child Bullying would actually be happening?
its funny they will teach us needless information when we will only access it like 10% of the time. then they teach only 10% of the information the children really need or could be really helpful. I like DBT cuz it teaches how to control emotions, interpersonal relationships, what to do instead of using the blue print you were tought by your family. I came from a really messed up family I am 36 and just know finally able to see excately why I think or do what I do. and for alot of children this could actually be a turning point to where we are able to lower high school drop out rates, prison populations, murder rates, Domestic Violence, chemical dependancy, co-dependancy cuz DBT can help out with all of those issues to include depression.
Ok Just my Rant for the night love your work?
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as far as the baseball reference I always told my daughter Great job as long as she swung and struck out and on the times she never swung I told her well you will get another chance and maybe we need to make sure you get more batting practice
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Thanks for this video!! It came at the right time….I was becoming more and more concerned with how I parent my three year old. I really want her to not have the issues I had and am dealing with now.
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If I would often mention that my daughter actions make me happy or make me feel good, wouldn't it make her dependent and people pleasing ?
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Thank you so much for advices !!!
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What about a child whose praise/pleasure doesn't work??? He really doesn't care. N matter how kind, in the moment he may like it but there is no way he'll do it again. His dad is a narc and has downloaded a lot of faults in him and desensitized him by spanking too often for stupid reasons. He only sees his dad maybe one weekend a month now, but he is so far gone. Acknowledging every little thing he does or half way does he immediately sees as ..ok I can do whatever I want for the next week…. he is nearly10 and every day with him is hard.
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Hi Lisa this has helped me so much thank you.
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Thanks it was very helpful to me please post more.
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Motherhood comes with its ups and its down, but there’s honestly nothing more rewarding. Eight months ago I gave birth to my second child – a beautiful baby boy that we named Mason. He changes so much every day! There’s nothing that gives me more pleasure than raising him and watching him grow. If I had one teeny tiny complaint though, it would be that I wish he would stop saying, “This human form is limiting"
At 8 months he’s already crawling and eating finger food. The doctors even say he’s in the top 10% for intelligence in his age group! I’m more proud of him than I ever thought possible, and every day with him is a gift. Though, and it’s not a big deal, I’d really love if he would stop commenting on the “Frailness and transience” of human beings as a race. His words, not mine.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my son. He’s my absolute pride and joy. I have high hopes for his future! But am I a monster for wishing he wouldn’t stare into his baby monitor and laugh the deep throaty chortle of a 2,000 year old succubus while showing me the whites of his eyes? Truly, “Loving your child for who they are” isn’t always as easy as it sounds.
Once, I woke up in the middle of the night and decided to check on him. He was sitting up in his crib muttering in a language I couldn’t understand (thanks to eight years of Catholic school, I was able to make out a few words in Latin). Then, when he caught me watching him he exclaimed, “Human mother, I am glad you are here, I need milk from your breasts.” Just some of the curveballs parenthood throws at you, I guess!
I imagine that most mothers go through phases like this – I can’t be the only Mom who sometimes worries about her son’s unusually high interest in how long the human brain can survive without oxygen.
I mean, it’s normal not to share interests with your children – they truly are their own beings! For example, my oldest daughter Cassie is seven and she loves softball, but neither my husband nor I are athletic. So, I don’t think Mason’s sudden interest in writing his name in blood on the walls should bother me.
I’m probably just overreacting. My son is gifted, and that’s a blessing. Most children want video games or electronics for Christmas and Mason just asked for an adult ram. I think we’ve got a future veterinarian on our hands!
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always on point. I love you.
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