Parenting Guide
Parallel Parenting – The Evolutionary Way To Co-Parent With A Narcissist
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My concern is that my narc is covert, so it looks like he wants what’s best for our child because he wants to do everything together. And I end up looking uncooperative and inflexible because I keep saying “no.” Do these techniques in the video still work with a covert?
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I so wish I had known this information when my children were little. Co-parenting with the narc nearly put me in my grave.
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We haven't used Family Wizard, still recovering financially though son is 23, about to graduate from College, and spends 1 week with me & 1 week with Dad. Ex covertly sends inappropriate messages through channels you mentioned. Do you still recommend Family Wizard for a College Aged Graduate who will soon be living on his own once full employees, within these next 3 – 5 years?
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Justice in Canada is PRO ABUSE not only my case but many others – CPS/DPJ are pro narcissists men especially rich ones not for the welfare of children having their mothers – yes this is real I am preparing a book about deluded justice system in Canada specially Quebec
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Give an example : the child is cut or bruised in the narcissist custody and coming back he is filing criminal charges that his child “ was abused in your custody” if you take pictures before your child leaves your custody the Court is interdicting to you so if you want to protect you and your child is almost impossible when child is to young to speak
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Wish I'd known all this years ago! This advice is a must for anyone trying to co-parent, going through divorce & separation. It's not too late for me to Parallel parent, it's the way forward for me.
Just started on my NARP journey, the relief I feel is incredible after just working through the first module 😀 Thankyou x
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Hello Gorgeous Melanie! You are amazing…Melanie, please: I believe my mother is probably a narcissist. In any case she was extremely abusive with me. I went no contact many years ago and I believe I will never contact her again. Please, is no contact the best option as I think it is? ( I am talking about an EXTREMELY abusive mother)
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This has been very helpful for me. Thank you, I am about to serve mine with divorce and custody papers
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Thanks for this video melanie. I feel confident in what i have told my child so far now. My family and I have been no contact with the narcissist since mid 2015. There are no court orders in place apart from a very old shared care one, that while thats in place he still gets centrelink money for our child of which he hasnt seen since mid 2015! I know at some point i need to go to court in order to change that order but i am terrified to open the can of worms, any advice?
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I think you are totally amazing and helpful. My head is spinning and I have so much to process. Thank you so much.
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Thank you so much for this!
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This is so hard- we show the right way to respect boundaries, but mom refused and uses them for info and then badmouthing us begins. She uses gossiping about me to bond- and it works with a 10 year old.
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Hi Mel,
I recently found your vidéos and you are the only one who gave me hope because you use à spiritual focus on everything, and it deeply resonates in me…
i have been married for five years now and i recently realized that my mother in law is a narcissist (i had terrible experiences with her)… i didnt understand her behavior until i learned about narcissism. i have talked to my husband about his mother but he denies it and let's her in into our lives. She seems obsessed with us (specially me and my 9 month old baby) now after learning about narcissism i know that i bécame her narcissistic supply and just realized that she wants to Hurt me and what better way to do it than through my baby and i know that she will eventually try to manipulate my baby against me in the future. I feel hopeless because my husband wont protect us, this woman has full access into our lives. Im starting to wondering if my husband is a narcissist as well, it's all so confusing!…. i will be ready to leave him if he doesnt protect me and my son from his mother… how do i know if he will eventually get that his mother is toxic for us?… do you think he's a narcissist himself? if I do leave him, i'm sure i will be dealing not with one, but two narcissistic forces against me… im so scared… will working with NARP help me deal with several narcissists? Thank you!
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You are amazing! I appreciate your videos soooo very much. They have truly set me free, even after I thought I was free when I was still being hooked. Thank you♡
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Thank you ♡
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Thank you so much for this ❤
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thank you for this video. I have been feeling helpless in this 'co-parenting' with a N and you are not only repeating what my counsellor has been suggesting, you are explaining in greater detail, the necessity for parallel parenting and the effectiveness of clear boundaries, which I must admit I have not yet implemented, post-divorce. This video has been a god-send.
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Hi Melanie,
Thank you so much for all of your videos and resources. I just signed up for NARP and look forward to get going on that. My question is regarding the "Tonemeter" for Our Family Wizard (which they describe as an emotional spell check and will point of parts of messages that appear to be aggressive or upsetting before the message gets sent). I am wondering if it is better to NOT get that add on so I can have proof of the emotional and abusive messages from my narc ex to use in court if needed.
TIA!
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A year ago, I applied parallel parenting towards the narc and I was in alignment with my boundaries, values, and beliefs. But at that time, I had a full year of separation with the help of a restraining order. When my mom passed, I was vulnerable and dismissed it to get back with him. It has been one of my regrets, but then again, I realized that it had to happen because I haven't learned my lesson and healed my inner wounds. Currently, he believes that he has power over me and it's taking a lot of my energy to heal and love myself. Thanks for directing me to this video Mel! It's given me more courage to face the legal battle and stay grounded in my truth.
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Thank you so much for your videos. Truly Appreciate you. Can you do a video regarding people who have children with a narcissist (never married). My question is how far can I go with no contact when he is barely in the picture.
My situation: He was not in the picture for over 5 years. Found out we were doing well, then SUED me for custody and wanted me to have to pay him child support. He moved from out of state to the state where we live and got a job at my bank; which mean he possibly has access to my bank accounts. He has no home, no car, no phone etc, so also likely wanted to use our daughter to be able to get public assistance, bigger tax refunds, and child support from me. He only visited her during the 1 year court case. He did not get legal or physical custody, but they did award him visitation, which he does not use, he stopped seeing her for over a year now once he “lost” the case in his eyes since he did not gain anything financially. In fact, they are now making him pay me child support, which I’m sure caused a narcissistic injury. My daughter and I moved for a fresh start, and he has now MOVE again and lives somewhere near by a couple streets away. He is also likely now working at my bank branch around the corner from our new home. When we saw him walking down the street, he refused to make eye contact and acts as if he does not want to be seen or bothered. I don’t understand, why did he go out of his way to move to our city so close and transfer his job if he does not want to be seen or does not want to see his daughter? BIG QUESTION: IF HE CONTACTS US SOME TIME IN THE FUTURE, AM I OBLIGATED TO RESPOND, DROP WHATS GOING ON IN OUR LIVES AND START RESPONDING AND LETTING HIM SEE HER AGAIN AND COME IN AND OUT OF HER LIFE WHEN EVER HE PLEASES SINCE TECHNICALLY HE WAS AWARDED VISITATION??? Sorry for all the details, but there are no videos out there addressing this situation. Thank you sooo much for your help, I can’t thank you enough!
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Many thanks.
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Yes thx Mel. Good video. I do about 90% o this. Drop offs are at my house. Kathy da want it that way. Family wizard needs to happen soon. I feel calm healthy when I see hm. I’m learning to ignore. My responses to him are kind and mindful and his are boundarieless and manipulation. I have printed a bunch for courts. My situation is tough. My kids love him and cannot see what he does. I never speak poorly. It’s a journey.??
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Thank you Melanie. Your words and advice as always have brought me hope and a deeper understanding of what it means to share custody with a narcissist. Both of use are attorneys and for the longest time I tried to co parent with him in the spirit of trying to do what was best for my child. I wholeheartedly agree that it starts with getting yourself well first. We must set clear boundaries to keep ourselves sane and present for our children and the rest will follow. Thank you for recommending the Family Wizard app. it circumvents the narcissists ability to spark arguments about previously agreed to custody arrangements, holidays and therapy sessions. thank you for your dedication to your work.
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Finally!!!! You broke it down so comprehensively for me. Everything you described is what I am going through. You can't coparent with smoke, mirrors and quicksand.
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Thank you so much for this. I have been having anxiety on how to deal with my ex and parallel parenting. These tips are invaluable. Funny side note. He's the one who insisted on talking parents (same kind of thing as our family wizard), anyway once the court orders for custody were signed. We both got on it and the same day he was trying to convince me to not use. That we didn't need it.
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Thank you so much. Very Helpful
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Downunder, Thank you for helping me understand
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So the only way to get a narcissist parent to communicate through the app is via court order? B/c mine won't use any communication app at all. So paying for his half doesnt sound smart as of yet. I've gone no contact a few months ago (I'm much happier!!) so he can only speak w/ our child, but now he's sending emails or having one of his girlfriends text me so I'd love to use this app asap!
Also, what does parallel parenting look like during parent/teacher conferences?? Such as meet the teacher or school plays, etc.? Narc dad always finds a way to make school conferences an embarrassment even for our child and then gets upset when I dont invite him to school events that he won't take off work to attend anyway ? gosh narcs are exhausting. Stay strong parents!!?
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You are wonderful…and speak the truth!
I am a happy empowered parallel parent….its the only way with the narc.
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Sharing this my daughters father and his ex wife who is filing for guardianship (I have summer visitation and live across country). Wish she understood the reason I am hesitant to allow is due to her inability to communicate with me in a business like healthy manner.
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Thank you Melanie for recommending our family wizard. I’m going to get it started since his hooked up with his new supply fiance his been ignoring my messages & emails & using my eldest son as a carrier for communication. Then suggesting the children need to see a psychologist when his the one doing the damage.
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Thank you, after 5 years of trying to co-parent with someone who will never want to work together, I've finally realised that this is the only thing that will work or I will forever feel trapped by the toxicity of that relationship. Will check out the app!
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