Parenting Help
Introduction to Peaceful Parenting | Eric Bandholz
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the hair is definitely getting there dude 😀 !!!!
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Right on, Eric. Spreading the concept of Peaceful Parenting is almost as important as practicing it, so thank you for doing so. I'll likely be a father in a year or two and I plan on adhering to this parenting strategy myself. The science to support it appears quite convincing to me. Cheers mate.
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I have friends who spank their kids all the time. It really bugs me because I feel like that's such a gut reaction to discipling a kid. Sure it "works" short-term but what does that really teach the poor kid?
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Im 19 and id thank my mom right now for whipping me when i did wrong… I never did anything really bad to where she needed to whip me but even when she caught me in a lie she would and i feel it made me a better person
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Fuck yeah man! Great choice!!
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The parents and the child have two different roles to play. The best thing a parent can do is lead by example giving the child a model in which to grow by. Also, the parent must be in control and lead the child and not let the child lead the parent. The parent must establish authority and enforce it. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be consistent and patient. Parents should never argue and fight in front of the child. Parents should always show each other respect in front of the child.
If you believe in God, then start reading the bible to them at an early age teaching them right from wrong.
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Stick to the beard. And talk to me about kids when you have six of them.
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(( Erik… you do have 'honorable' intentions.)) HOWEVER don't take my experience the wrong way !!! Don't Underestimate 'bad influences' from Relatives or the Neighbors — The most important thing is TRUST !!! There is a 'seven' year old that had been given MOST AWFUL advice in stopping an argument by USING A CIGAR CUTTER against their own peers and adults !!! KIDS will absolutely try to do good in the eyes of their ADULT CARETAKERS… and the little girl is quite 'proud' of doing this, she got expelled from Elementary School. * Sometimes it's more about THIS that visits a PARENT — Therapy is important for certain reasons ! 🙂
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Beard or no go. If you want variety, great! It's called a personal vlog channel. If thats the direction you wanna go then your channel should be branded as such.
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I like this vid and I don't even have kids! Lol
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I was raised by amazing parents who encouraged me (still do- and I'm 40) to live out my dreams. But discipline was part of growing up- not abuse. My parents weren't my "homies"- they guided me, encouraged me, and when I purposely, and with malice, went against the rules of the house- I was disciplined. Had they let me walk all over them, cuss at them, and disrespect the home they worked hard for, I would probably have carried that attitude to my peers, jobs, and future intimate relationships.
They didn't have to discipline me much because in my most formative years as a child, I learned not to slap my sister because I knew being slapped on the bum hurt. Not abuse, discipline.
My sister is having problems with a group of neighborhood kids not respecting her home, ignoring her house rules (clean up after you leave a mess of food- come on!), and not being able to take "no" for an answer. They're all brats…and it just so happens these brats have parents who are trying to sell her on "Peaceful Parenting"…So- these will be the kids who will show up 2 hours late for the first day of work, and expect a raise, a company car, and a bonus for showing up on time.
Discipline works when it's done without malice. By the way- my parents- they performed peaceful parenting- and gave me the gift of discipline. Beard on!
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i love this idea! i'm not a parent, but if i ever become one, i'll remember this.
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So what you are saying is "Spare the rod and spoil the children"? Kids who act up should have some type of consequence (grounding or no TV) to it or they will eventually disrespect you in the end. I am not saying to beat them but there should be consequences to their actions for how else will they learn when they do bad.Â
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I believe discipline is a vital part of parenting, its how children learn the difference between right and wrong. If a child dose something wrong and there is no consequence then there's no reason why they should'nt do it again, however if they do something wrong and are punished for it then they wont want to do it again because they will know that its wrong. My kids are 6 and 2
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Thank you for this video! I totally agree with you. I am learning about peaceful parenting have started our approach at pare ring with this intent!!!!
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I totally disagree. I have a 2 yr old, and there is no way she would understand reason and or logic. So "educating" a child at her age is not possible with words alone. She has one track mind and its all about me me me me. She knows nothing else but how to be selfish. The only effective way to communicate that she has done wrong is to make her uncomfortable, that way she can associate with what she did, and the consequence of that action. If I were to just talk to her, she would not put anything together, she'd be like "yea yea, let me get back to my toys." I'll tell you from experience, that once time I touched the stove when I was little when it was lit, and it burned me. From them on I remembered that if I were to touch the stove again, Im gonna get this gnarly burn that sucked really bad. The stove didnt get down on my level and explain that it should have burned me, because fire is hot, but because it wants to be peaceful and not create a hostile relationship between it and me that its just gonna talk me through why I shouldn't touch fire. No, it burned the hell out of me.
So Im going to say that I wholeheartedly disagree with this video. But I also believe that spanking and or discipline should be done in the correct state of mine. Never done in anger. Only done in love, with an explanation of why the discipline is happening, with reconciliation immediately after.Â
Im sorry Eric, I enjoy your products very much, and also appreciate most of your videos. I think your a pioneer for this culture, but I just don't think this method can be effective.Â
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Hi Erik, I like where you're going with your parenting philosophy. My oldest children will turn 12 this year, and I wish I had been thinking more like you are, twelve years ago. Â My children would be more confident. Â I've never heard of Peaceful Parenting but will check it out. Â The world would be much better with active fathers, who consider their child's perspective as they guide their children to adulthood. Â I've been learning about Circle of Security Parenting and find it very interesting. Â It may be helpful, as you embark on the great adventure of Fatherhood. Â I am not sure if there is a website. Â I've not googled it. My wife shared C.O.S parenting with me and we've a book. Â Thank you for sharing this video. You took a risk by sharing your thought about parenting, which can be a fiery topic. Â I wish you the greatest happiness with your new daughter.
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I'm a stay at home father to our two year old daughter and have been since she was six months old (my wife returned to her work and I gave up my labour intensive career for this once in a lifetime opportunity) so I do the bulk of the day-to-day parenting and I would consider myself a "peaceful" parent, I would never raise my hand to her and I would never shout at her, I don't want to hurt or humiliate her and I don't want her growing up thinking that with violence and aggression is how we interact with each other in society.
That being said, I do believe in discipline, and a child needs to learn what is right and wrong, what is safe and what is dangerous and a sense of respect for other people and their property and that actions have consequences, so reasonable punishment is in order and for us a time out, away from the situation, on her own for a few minutes to calm down and then I'll calmly explain to her why she's there and this usually works very well for us. Everyone parents their child the best way they can but I've observed these shouting, aggressive parents and they in turn have shouting, aggressive disrespectful kids! It's not easy but I think patience really is key!
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I love your videos, especially the ones about personal freedom. That being said, I don't entirely agree with this one. Children, especially younger ones, lack a certain amount of empathy. They also don't understand behavior that may be harmful, like running out into the street. Sometimes a healthy amount of respect (fear) can be a great motivation. It teaches the child that there are consequences for their actions. When they are older, consequences will be there. So why raise them in a bubble that makes them feel like they can run amok. I never discipline my children out of anger. My five year old does not respond to time outs or taking away toys, so a whipping is the best tool with her. If she does something bad or doesn't do what she is asked to do (i.e. pick up her room) she gets a spanking. I calmly sit down and ask her about what she did and explain that I'm going to whip her and that I don't want to, but those are the rules. Afterward I hug her and ask her what we learned. It helps. I do not yell at my children, save for occasions when my two your old makes a bee-line to the street or throws a toy at his baby sister. I make him apologize and give the person he wronged a hug.
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What is the sense of talking about things like that on chanel which is about beards?
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I think this is great I have tried it for the past week just taking the time to be more relax with my three year old daughter. And I can see a difference already. I would like to see more videos that go more into this from you (Eric) keep makin videos and beard on thanks
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As a parent of 5 kids and I came from a family with 6 kids I'm so glad my Dad put the fear of God into me. He whooped my tail a few times. I love him for it because I was a turd! We are best friends and never felt beat. But he did do a lot of what you're talking about. So I think a mix of what you are saying and a ass whooping is good. But Dude it's your child and you raise her how you see fit. Good look Bro.
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Wow, huge respect for actually doing the work and looking into parenting instead of just repeating the same shit most of us have been through.
Science (i.e. the facts) is very much on your side too. Violence, verbal abuse, shouting, neglect, withdrawal have all been shown to be extremely harmful to the childs development of empathy, intelligenceand cause more aggressive behaviour, correlates to a people becoming drug addicts or criminals or depressed later in life.
What you're doing will do more for world peace than most other people alive will contribute to it, so huge kudos man! Great work!
(Also if you're curious about some of the research, there's a series on youtube called "Bomb in the Brain" that goes into that a bit. On the same channel are also quite a lot of expert interviews about the topic, so feel free to have a look).
Best wishes to you and your family! 🙂
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Absolutely! This is the most essential topic of discussion! Thank you so much for making this 🙂 Stefan Molyneux is the expert on this topic.Â
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I'm 15 now and I've learned that for me, when I was younger, spanking did not really help, maybe it is because I'm stubborn and I think at times I'm to big for my shoes, but I agree with him in his ways of doing things because when the parent cannot Spank his child anymore because of the child's size and maturity such as myself there is conflict. And of course one thing I had to learn was to honour and respect my parents even though I felt as if they were wrong and I was right, and now my parents know that spanking or getting physical is not an option. Instead we calm down, communicate and solve the problem.
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I like your video`s and opinions. I am doing something similar. Don't think hitting and screaming does any good. Time out I don't think is bad. I think getting your child to understand and grow is better achieved through channels like you explain in the video.
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I am going to have to respectfully disagree with you Eric. I have a very smart and reasonable 5 year old daughter..too smart in my opinion. She isn't a bad or unruly kid at all; but there are times when she does misbehave, right now she's starting to lie. We use non physical punishments in our house now, like taking things away ie tv, tablets etc or timeout. When she was younger and could not be reasoned with we would spank her to get her attention, and then we would explain to her what she did was wrong and why. Very rarely do we have to do that now..but it happens on occasion. A simple threat of taking something away gets her in line now. Also I don't like that term peaceful parent..it makes me sound like Im a savage because I do discipline my child.
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Eric, Spot on. As a parent of toddler (just turned 3yrs) and two other adult children (22 and 18 yrs) I can attest that peaceful parenting or positive discipline works and the punishing or shaming does not work (ask my adult kids). One of my favorite resources is the recent book "How Toddlers Thrive" by Dr. Tovah Klein (who studies toddlers at Barnard College in NYC). She knows her stuff and it all makes common sense. Check it out. She also has a website http://www.howtoddlersthrive.com and newsletter.Â
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I think peaceful parenting could be a good thing for the kids of the future. I'm curious about what the results will be. It's kind of a new thing.
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My husband and I have three kids (5, 9, & 14) and we have been doing a combination of this and an idea called Positive Discipline. The combo of these two has been wonderful, no yelling, no spanking and no 'punishments'. Time outs are 'time ins' and they are used for redirecting, things like that. Great job!
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Stefan Molyneux is someone you will want to check out!
http://youtu.be/EXMKRJyedmg
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I love peaceful parenting I really enjoyed the book beyond the sling. It's also called attachment parenting
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Great video Eric. I'm growing out my very first beard and your channel is awesome. Back to peaceful parenting, our kids went to a positive discipline preschool and now charter school in California. You are spot on that it is all about mutual respect.
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I love you, your videos and advice on beards and the other stuff you guys talk about. I couldn't disagree with you more on this peaceful parenting stuff. I believe in corporal punishment and as your kid grows a bit older I think you're going to learn that it is quite necessary. Spanking and punishment is not abuse if it's done correctly. it should never be done in anger. I raise 3 kids they are now 18, 20 and 24. I've known many parents over the years and the ones that believe in discipline with corporal punishment have done much better. I agree that you shouldn't spank a kid because they're crying. it's okay to disagree..
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Do you have a book that you recommend on peaceful parenting?
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Take it from a grand-parent…..you are doing the exact right thing. Never doubt it.
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I know this is an older video, but here I am anyway. Lol. Would like to know how this has gone for you guys? My wife and I have been peaceful-partnership parenting for quite a while. We wouldn't change that for anything. If you haven't, I would suggest you listen to some of Dayna Martin's teachings. Their are a few others as well, but can't think of them at the moment. Good show, man.
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