Parenting Guide
Gifted, creative and highly sensitive children | Heidi Hass Gable | TEDxLangleyED
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Growing up as a gifted child (2% in the world population) and not having a program for me in a private school (back in Brazil) I have struggled a lot. I am glad that my kids have a great program for them in school, thank you USA.
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What kind of school? This sounds like it would work for me
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I was ALWAYS embarrassed of being in the gifted program. I hated standing out. Still do. If I am to stand out above others in any sense I would prefer it be in anonymity.
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I have 1 gifted child who had to start late in school due to dob by then she was so frustrated she quit wanting to grow foward and was not a good student. It was like putting a hs student in preschool… Very frustrating for me. Now 20 yrs later i suspect my 7 yr old is gifted as well… Very challenging to parent w best learning ops as she is also late start due to dob…. Photographic mem it seems on some things but cant read so cant test . comprehension and retention on subjects of interest were about 12-18 yr old at 3 yrs old…
Considering easy peasy? Unschooling program.
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What to do w 5 yr old that can talk with phd professor at an easy level but cant read?
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Thank you so much for this. Such a brilliant description of what it feels like to not fit in. I also think you can have these qualities of intensity and sensitivity without being super-high in intelligence tests.
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Heidi wish school is that? Where did your son go after the break?
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I'm a gifted seventh grader, and someone speaking out about this makes me feel so happy!
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There was a study that showed that students who were told after task you did really well because you are so smart. Another group was told you did really well and you put slot of effort into that. You did well because of your effort. Subsequent task. The smart kids barely worked on task. The hard worker effort kids did better. Determined type of feedback was key. It seemed that the gifted program kids did not develop a strong work effort. Why? Because they had been told since fourth grade that they are smart but never challenged even though in programs called challenge and quest. Challenged by expecting performance. Effort.
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Average IQ is 100. If a kid has an IQ of 70, they get special education. So if a kid has an IQ of 130, don’t they deserve a special education, too?
It’s cruel to force highly intelligent kids in with the general population. It’s a soul crushing experience that has life long effects 🙁
(I’m aware that IQ isn’t a perfect measure, but it illustrates my point here.)
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you have to get them to school everyday…or we don't get our federal funding…. Public school is not for everyone. We tried unschooling, self directed education, home schooling and in the end each of my three children have chosen their path and each is while in "high school" are taking AP classes at the local CC and online, my 11 year old daughter is currently finishing her sophomore year of high school online and is curious about everything. My 13 year old that was terrified to go to grade school, and Jr high has turned into a highly motivated youtube entrepreneur and makes $300 a week from his online business. He is currently learning shopify to follow in my footsteps to work from home and live the life he wants to not be trapped in a 9-5 and unable to grow and experience life.
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in the uk we have 'excelleration'. the beauty of excelleration is almost everyone can take part – students are nudged/ excellerated in areas of own ability – art, music, academics, sport etc. some have more excellerations than others but they no longer have a label or stand apart. its what it should be
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I skipped second grade for third grade as an experiment in my school district but then got stuck in third grade again. I learned how to do the minimum to get by and daydreamed about being on the playground, in the fields and forested areas with my dog while in the classroom.
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I was labeled "gifted" in second grade after an IQ test. The similarities between gifted kids and autistic kids are astounding. I have emotional and sensory issues, I struggle with motivation and psychological issues as a direct result of not only my "intelligence" but the way I've been treated thus.
Our gifted program (central Florida, suburban Orlando to be exact) was not what it needed to be. Instead of a fundamentally different classroom where we learned at a pace we needed and in a way we needed and with the support we needed, it was… The regular class but with double or triple the homework and tests and, most of all, pressure. Everyone in those classes had the idea that we were smart, and special, and if we didn't perform, it meant we didn't belong there. The first time I got an F, in 4th grade, I threw a fit. I screamed. I cried. I wailed and sobbed. My life was OVER. I was 10. There was no call home. There was no discussion, no support. I went home, took my lumps, felt like a failure, lost the will to try.
Today I struggle with depression and self loathing. I struggle to continue when things are difficult. I struggle with failure. I struggle with doing things, simple tasks, if it's being judged. I struggle. If I'd had the support I needed, I would not be half as broken and dysfunctional as I am. The way we think of children and their brains needs to change fundamentally. What makes me gifted and not adhd? What makes me gifted and not autistic? How do you label children?
These are questions we need to ask.
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heartbeats I am one of these types of children! I never feel like I have fitted in and people always talk about different things to what I do! Thank you! ( I have ASD and dyspraxia) it just makes life more challenging than it needs to be! Love diversity!!!!
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What perturbs me the most is the amount of people claiming they're "gifted" without sufficient evidence. The hate towards the "gifted" isn't caused by the gifted themselves, but from by arrogance of people who claim they are gifted, and I find that this hate is only perpetuated by this comment section through its pretentiousness.
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I am considered gifted, have been since an IQ test gave me the label of "genius/highly gifted" at 12 years of age. I also feel strange saying it because, even though that is a way of showing that I was advanced for my age and have a high capacity for some sorts of information, I feel like I'm bragging or trying to show off when I say it. I'm really not trying to come across as elitist or pretentious though, somebody else gave me the label of "genius". It doesn't make me better than anyone else, and it is a very vulnerable sort of feeling I get when discussing it. I also receive compliments on my intelligence, and it makes me feel awkward. I cannot help but to be who I am, and I never worked hard to become an intelligent person, so it feels weird to be complimented. I know I can do something great with my mind (I remember medical things well and am highly interested in the medical world) but sometimes that thought feels like a burden. A burden of expectation, perhaps. Sometimes I wish I was just "average", it seems to me that less intelligent people tend to be happier. All I know is that being labeled a person of high intellect somehow doesn't feel like a positive thing most of the time.
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My first period is…cold in a sense. My second period doesn't let me talk cause I may insult someone, i'm not allowed to voice my thoughts. In my third period I'm the outcast, no one talks to me. In my forth period i'm not allowed to talk because i'm too smart. I have a friend in my teacher in my 5th and 6th period classes, but I only see my 5th period teacher for three days a week at most and for my 6th class a lot of the students are jerks and play their music too loud or if they are friendly they aren't the kind of people I hang out with. But I don't want to disappoint my mother, or make it difficult to return to school.
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Soo timely ❤
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I actually got teared up by this, thanks
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I wish gifted programs were actually a thing in my district. I would’ve been so happier.
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Does anyone has Heidi's contact? Please I urgently need it. Thanks in advance. I am a mother with 4 " gifted" sons. I live the life she described where she received urgent and anxious calls from her children to come and pick them. I am between my children and school. I live in a State where parents are charged for truancy if your child miss school in 7 days. Please I need to contact Ms. Heidi for what I call life saving counsel. GOD bless you all.
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Wow. This was so helpful to me. Not only for myself and how I was as a child but also for my son who is 10 and absolutely gifted. I would throw up at school for the first two weeks of each school year, and ended up ultimately doing poorly in school because I could t handle the anxiety and stress if it all so I put all my focus in unhealthy things that ruined my young years. I fully believe that if I could have had this kind of option to be in a different environment to learn my life would be very different today. I gave up on almost everything I tried because I could t handle the world. Even though I was very gifted and had so much to give back to the world.
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School destroyed me and killed my brain
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My daughter is in the 2 class primary school in Germany. She is a gifted girl, she loves drawing, singing. She is very athletic, she can count. But she is like a sponge, she sucks too much around herself and just loses the connection in normal classroom rhythms. Because she can not concentrate. She is active and hard to stop at home, she tells, she sings, she plays keyboard. Sure, we were first told to test if she is hyperactive ……….. if she has ADHD. When dealing with people, she is very outgoing, BUT when she pulls back on my hand, then I can assume that someone in the immediate area makes her scared.
Example: We went shopping when she was about 4 years old, she waved everyone, laughed and was smiling all the time. She was at the hand of her daddy. When we were at a shelf, hardly an elderly gentleman, he spoke to her, he had not even spoken two words and she was with me, wanted to get on my arm, hid her face against my neck and just whispered * make him go away Mummy*. Today, she can explain herself when something is, but her environment simply sees it as a childlike reaction.
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That is a good parent. She trusted herself and her children. This one size, one way fits all world really doesn't fit many of us. I loved her description of the intensity and physical sensitivity. I am old, and she made sigh with relief that I have made it this far in a world that doesn't fit me and my decisions to make it better really have!
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can you be gifted but have trauma effect that? So does the cognitive tests and math ect. go down the tubes, while emotional, and observational/memorizing become main things.?
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Whenever someone asks me what classes I am in, and I tell them that I am in the ap periods (I don’t mention ap). People who aren’t ap know which periods that aps are. They always say that I’m smart, or that they should be in that period. I just want to live my life, and I don’t want people to think of me as the “smart girl” or the “girl that will always win the academic games.”
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For most of my life all I wanted was to be "normal." Being "gifted" has always felt like a burden, especially since from kindergarten to the day I graduated from High School I was ostracized by other students and teachers alike and my pleas and cries for help for the deep, deep depression and severe anxiety and OCD that resulted were completely ignored. As I grow older, it just compounds my feelings of failure for not having lived up to the expectations of my childhood and youth (largely due to health problems beyond my control).
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I'm a senior at an accelerated high school – everyone there has to skip 1-2 grade level(s). And the community there has been amazing and it encourages all of us to be scholars. Surrounding yourself in intelligent people can challenge you for the better. Skipping grades isn't always an option, since being younger than your classmates is hard to deal with. I've been lucky to have people who are roughly my age and are in my position to go to school with. I admit that there tends to be a competitive atmosphere and that the teachers can expect a little too much from us, but we've thrived because of it.
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I fricking hate that term!!!
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Thank you, very well said! ??️?
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Your not better but you are who you are& knowing your I.D is so important! The gifts we have are to help our world!!! We all need to discover our true I.D& dance in our gifting to make our world better! We all are gifted in something& some gifts more rare but we need all of them to be balanced! Being super gifted is not always fun& I understand why you say that!
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SCUSE THE CAPS, BUT NO ONE IN THE AUDIENCE IS PAYING ATTENTION TO HER! THAT'S RUDE, PEOPLE!
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My husband is gifted. He experienced all of these things as we were growing up & it resulted in some seriously intense turns in his life. I don’t think the education system knows how to handle gifted students & they ultimately pay the price for it. Teachers would grow frustrated with him because he was always full of questions & the curriculum never really quenched his thirst for knowledge. That’s when he started looking elsewhere.
I have my fears for our daughter. She’s already showing herself to be gifted as well & I worry about how we’re going to handle school. It’s right around the corner & I’m going back & forth on where I should send her. Should I send her to public school? Should I look for a more specialized school? Should I homeschool her? These thoughts race through my mind at night & it’s overwhelming because this is the kind of decision that will shape her entire future.
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OMG yes yes yes! Ive had to struggle with school for my gifted daughter and my attachment parenting insight. Thank you for the validation!
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It's so funny that the idea of parent-supervised, student-lead education seems to us so daunting when it's completely natural, globally normative, and most parents are more educated than they've ever been… of course being educated is not what qualifies anyone to mentor a kid — emotional intelligence is much more important. We aim to use our channel to be as transparent as possible about our process educating our kids according to what they need, whether that involves school or not!
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Many in the comments are claiming to be gifted with the same backing. Yet there are also those whom fall through the cracks. Obsession when done in excellency is also to be gifted even when detrimental to the self physically.
To learn 5 languages of passion, to shame self in public by doing things outlandish, to harass others by painting pictures of them and giving to them in secret, to be in the throes of obsession which leads to the realization of the imperfection yet magnifying the best parts. Yet the silence to yourself is the worst part, other people you have to stay silent to forever, but yourself the epitome of stability.
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Society hates smart people. It makes them insecure about their own worth. In high school, the smarter students were bullied and hated. Hence why i'm homeschooling my children. I will not waste my children's time on irrelevant busy work with a side dish of being near absolute arseholes.
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I am a gifted Autistic in year 12! Yeah, I am not getting the right support at my school because they say I don't need it because I am smart and academic. Unfortunately, I'm having to re-start the year at college, where I will actually get support emotionally and with organisation.
I remember in primary school when everyone would go and play, but people would bully me as I lacked social skills and so I couldn't make friends. Instead, I used to hide in the library and read history and science books – they became my friends. I would talk to people, but everything I said either went over their heads or just didn't interest them; I suppose you don't really care about Samurai, Japanese culture and rocket science in primary.
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