Parenting Help
Deborrah Cooper on Parenting: Enabling Adult Children Into Uselessness
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So beautiful great message as usual
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Ha! Tough love works!
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"A disrespectful adult is a disrespectful child that never got chastised " Ida B. Pierce aka Anjanette's grandmother.
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I've always said we ,bw need to take it back to the 70's where girls were told early, "if you get pregnant, you're getting out my house"
And it was a lot less oow births back then.
I follow this (along with educating them) and as a result, (I'm 47 w/2 daughters ages 25 & 14) I'm one of a very few in my family in this age bracket that's NOT a grandma.
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would you consider putting your daughter on birth control? We've had enough tough love….Most black parents don't have the resources to help with the grandchildren.
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Your video brings to mind these grandparents who are practically raising their grand kids. I see more and more of this. The son's on drugs, or away , or the daughter's not married, or capable of doing the job, so the kids end up practically living with grandma. I know a woman raising her bi racial grand kids, while her son and his baby mama are off somewhere. I've heard lavished praise given grandmothers for helping ( bailing out) their adult children. No one ever asks. If these grandmothers are such good parents, why haven't they raised responsible adults capable of taking care of their own kids?
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Thats how my parents raised me and my siblings, and i grew up with my mom giving me that "don't you dare get pregnant " speech; must've worked because my 2 sisters and I are in our late teens and twenty's, out of the house, doing college, full time jobs, not yet married and no kids. The only one of us that has a child is my brother who's married and has a house and everything.
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What I've observed, those kids that were coddled through adulthood don't really amount to much. Even if they do achieve something academically and professionally, they tend to be poor decision makers, and can't ever seem to stand up on their own two feet. They never really gain independence. They act entitled as though others owe them in life to help them get by. Doesn't matter what their socioeconomic status or professional achievement in life, someone helped them to get there and continues to do for them to stay there. They have no problem solving skills.
I have a relative, college educated everything who was such a codependent because his mother raised him to be that way. He lived out of her pocketbook and others too. Always borrowed money he didn't pay back. A big spender for appearances. His mother, my grandmother who was a,good woman, but she spoiled him terribly. His wife did too.
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I had to stop teaching in the classroom because most parents don't parent anymore. I don't have children but I know the psychology of them very well. They want structure and boundaries. I can't understand for the life of me why people think it is cool or appropriate to be their children's friend.
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omg..youre stunning! Anyways,preach. My mom (who i love very much) never taught me anything as far as life was concerned. Sometimes,I feel like it's because she wanted me to make the same mistakes as her. I basically figured life on my own through youtube videos and internet research. Your Daughter is Lucky!
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This video reminds me of my ex-husband's situation. He just got a steady job LAST YEAR. He still does not live on his own. He lives with his mother-and he is 45 years old. 45!
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Deb, I couldn't agree with you more!! I see so many useless MFs for precisely the reasons you point out. That's just sad. You hurt your child and society by not teaching and providing the tools necessary for becoming a responsible contributing member of society.
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As for the pregnancy thing? OMG, I would've rather come home and told my mother that I killed someone before having to admit that I was pregnant. For me coming home pregnant before being able to take of myself was not an option, period.
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That's why I like u Deb u think just like my mom. She told all her children if u have kids I'm no babysitter. She only keeps her grandchildren when she feel up to it & that's rare. U have to ask her because she's not going to offer. My Mom always reiterate she's raised her 3 kids. My older sister has no children at all. That's exactly why these young girls continue to have child after child after child because grandma saying they a blessing & playing momma. I hate seeing that. I'm so thankful my mom didn't do that.
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very good advice as always. it's interesting though coming from a Caribbean upbringing, the daughter will almost always get kick out of the house if she gets pregnant. let that be the son who has a bunch of baby mamas paying little to no support, he will always have a home with his mother. The double standard is disgusting.
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You're beautiful Deborah and insightful as always. Me and my husband do not have children but if I had i would not tolerate disrespect
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My mother gave me the same talk you gave your daughter. She warned me that she would not watch any kids; she was done having her children. I can still hear it now, "I ain't no babysitter." LOL
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Yes I have a girl friend that takes care of her kids all the time and when we want a girls night out she can't because she has to take care of her grand kids, now my mom only took care of my son when I went to work and school…now. my sister on the other hand had kids and she got mad at mom because she didn't do that for her,well I only had one and I was working and going to school to better my self .not going out having babies and my mom worked she only took care of my son when she wasn't working and I didn't. depend on my mom ,these girls now adays have the babies and all most give to the mon right out of the womd like it's there baby…my mom didn't go for that ..I don't know about these young girls if they know like I know thay better stop having all these babies and men walking away …..
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1. You look fabulous. 2. You are absolutely on point. Thank you for saying it.
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LET THE CHURCH SAY AMEN!!! great talk girlie
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"Rise up like a fucking Phoenix." Ahahaaaaaa I'm going to start using that one with my 10 year old; gotta start early. Excellent post
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smdh i have to check my mom on this issue…she always uses that "its not the kids fault" but yet she continues to baby my youngest brother and basically doing stuff for HIS KIDS that he doesnt do..one thing to baby sit every blue moon, its anotherrr to be the other parent basically? i just feel my mom cant just say "no" sometimes?
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Your language really kills the impact of what you are trying to accomplish here!! Ijs…….?
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I love you Debra, you the truth!
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I raised mine like the mom on the show "Everybody Hates Chris". I told them since 13 "I aint taking care of no babies!" So far, I'm still not a grandma cause nobody is MARRIED yet!?✊
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I agree. I Live My Life, kids are Grown & I Don't Coddle them. When I talk like this people get angry with me and say I'm 'Too Hard'. I stand on my own two feet, do for myself and I'm responsible for myself. All the one's that say I'm 'Too Hard' their usually enablers, enabled, tied down or laden with multiple problems. I structured my life so i can pick up and go when & where I want. There are many things to do in life when your kids are grown, develop hobbies, learn more about your own self. I have never believed that just cause you become a parent that that is your only sole reason to make that your only mission in life.
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Everything you said was so true I’m dealing with this shit with my boyfriend his 21 year old won’t do shit won’t work or go to school and his 16 year old is pregnant the boyfriend is 19 and lives in the house and sleeps in the bed with her what the fuck kinda shit is this I’m just over it but it just feels good to have someone who understands and tells it like it is thank you
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i agree with what you are staying. Parents need to let there children realize that failure is a part of life. And if a parent never allows there child to suffer the repercussions of a failure. There child will never grow or learn from the failure.
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Agree ?. If you express this in real life, watch out.
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Adultification for underage females and babification for grown men; black parenting in a nut shell ….and a sexual predators dream
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YESSSSSS! Couldn't have been said ANY better!!!!!!
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I need this !!! Thanks
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A no nonsense woman…you are on point, that is exactly how it would be✨
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Amen. Bratty ass kids ungrateful KID! Lol cannot deal. Tough shit!!!!
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But one factor is those kids are your grandkids. You will only watch them because you don’t want them to suffer because of their dumb decision. This is the hard decision to make. I agree with you about holding them to be responsible for themselves.
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Thats right! Do not tolerate disrespect from NOBODY including your adult children.
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Thank you!! I needed every word of what you said!!
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Love you so much Deb ???
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U keeps it real
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In the Caribbean, there's a whole slew of maternal and paternal grandmothers assuming FULL responsibility for the care and upbringing of their children's children. A lot of these parents have even left the Caribbean and live somewhere else like America England and Canada.
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What about 10 kids and going behind your husband back feeding their grandkids with his money you sneaking for your damn near 40 year old daughter
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Dammit they children brothers and sisters that ain't none of their kids stay to they stupidest f**** hell just week is f***
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Ain't nothing ever been wrong with a good ass whooping nothing I will tear that ass up
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The first step is admitting you have a problem. Step one again!!! I sought you out today after enabling a little bit more. Perfectly spoken. Thank you!
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