Parenting Help
Court-Mandated Co-parenting Counseling With The Ex Narcissist
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Been there done that. Trust me it will end up in a custody battle probably started by your ex like mine. Document everything, save every text, email etc. In addition you can file a motion with the court telling them that you are extremely uncomfortable doing a coparenting class with someone who is been abusive to you. Better yet make sure you're in therapy with a diagnosis like mine PTSD and bring this to the attention of the court and you will get out of it. It will not accomplish a damn thing anyway. Start gearing up for a battle and if you can't afford a lawyer you can represent yourself successfully just as I am.
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my daughter's mom started dating some guy from our court ordered high conflict parenting class
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If you have to talk them because of the kids use Our Family Wizard. It will help minimize the stress of dealing with a high-conflict co-parent, it is great for documenting abusive and other inappropriate co-parenting behaviors.
Heres a link: http://bit.ly/ourfamilywizard
They wont like it but I was able to show the court in detail what was going on. I now have custody of my Son.
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hello … I think this is useful link close to this subject ?
http://mysticalraven.com/relationships/3889/marry-narcissist
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I've had to do this and it was not good. The counselor did not want anyone to appear educated in this abuse or bring up book authors, but was highly offended by it. A big problem is that the accuser spun stories so well and nonchalantly that he didn't expose himself much at all and then the counselor's thoughts, questions and "solutions" got partly shaped by what the abuser lied about. The counselor asked pointed questions and tried to solve the "problem" without dealing with the abuse issue, yet when told their solutions wouldn't work and why, they got highly offended and angry. I got re-abused over and over by the counselor, who ended up becoming a flying monkey catering to the abuser's wishes because that was easier to deal with. Unfortunately, no matter how positively the sessions were visualized, they never went in any positive direction. Another terrible issue in this is that I was forced to share experiences (expressing the abuse naturally shows it is highly bothersome). Everything shared and the natural emotions involved were all witnessed by the abuser, who fed off of it and got free ammo for future abuse. And after all that, the counselor could not force the abuser to make or keep any agreements made in session anyway.
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I am court ordered for co-therapy with my ex that we both go to individual counseling session's, and eventually our therapists will talk to each other as if we were in a therapy session together, because we live an hour away from each other.
Now….I hired a domestic violence custody battle divorce attorney! After I talked with him for an hour during a free consultation not once bringing up the fact that I think my ex is a narcissist he tells me on his own "wow he sounds like a narcissist" and that's when I decided to hire him.
I had already watched videos that stated if you're going to hire an attorney you need to hire one.understands these type of abusers.
His retainer fee is a little higher than normal but I figured eventually he has to get paid, so I hired him.
His reasonings for the court ordered therapy where as follows:
It shows that I am getting help for coming out of an abusive relationship
It shows that I'm willing to be reasonable co-patent And try to get these issues resolved with my ex.
It will prove how much my ex is willing to actually fix the issues versus continuing abusing me.
It's mentally preparing me for court so I am able to discuss things without crying or frustration or anxiety to a judge.
My therapist will validate that I was in an abusive relationship provided with plenty of evidence that I have to show him or her. (I haven't picked my therapist yet)
My therapist will share that information and their professional opinion with his therapist along with any physical evidence to support that. So then my exes therapist will be the one that has to confront him about the allegations. Because I already know my ex will not bring up everything his abusive past from his father, his drinking problem or the abuse he did to me during my pregnancy and afterwords with his therapist…..and he's probably blaming me for everything and completely lying…well now his lies will be exposed because of all of his words that I have in his Texts, and text conversations from his sister and mother that completely support everything that's been going on.
Now I actually have so much physical documentation of his abuse because my ex did most of his abuse in text messages, I have an audio recording when I kicked him out and he was packing and you could hear him cursing at me, I have photographs of him flicking me off the night of my birthday out of the blue, and he's been physically violent with me three times while I was pregnant so I have a police phone call report when I called the cops after he fled…..proving him being violent even after the baby was born all with the baby being in my belly or while I was holding our newborn in my arms.
I also have all the text documentation of conversations between me and his mother in me and his sister where I clearly have been asking them for help with him for months.
I have contact where his mom tried to contact me twice I have a threatening email from his sister where she legally threatens to take my child away, I also have the text messages from her cursing me out and saying very horrible things to me during my pregnancy and again after…. clearly showing that I've had three family members bully against me after leaving my ex.
My attorney told me these therapy sessions if anything are going to prove if my ex can really truly change…. I also get to bring up all of my evidence and provide it to my therapist so my therapist can actually see and read his words and look at all the other documentation of the abuse that I have. My therapist can then diagnosed him based on what they see and then share that evidence and share the diagnosis and share the thoughts of my side with his therapist.
This is exactly what is needed is not only two therapists seeing his evidence and acknowledging that I was in an abusive relationship and diagnosing him mentally but all that will be permissible in court so instead of a judge making the decision on what they think my ex is or is not I'm also going to have two therapists seeing the evidence…. and as we know sometimes there's nothing more concrete than a diagnosis from a therapist being presented in court!!!
Not only does my attorney tell me that I have a very strong case but he's an advocate for domestic violence and he actually one in award for being on one of the largest custody battles in Texas history.
So it is super Duper important that you get with an attorney that understands exactly what you came out of and what your ex is like. You need an attorney that fully understands your case because that's the only way they can fight for you in court against your ex!
He also put in the temporary orders that we are to use our family wizard… he has access to all of our emails and all of those are also permissible in court, as typically anything in writing is already permissible in court and in Texas text messages are permissible in court and audio that's been recorded even without the permission of the other party.
So I personally can't wait to get in with yet my fourth therapist that will validate that I was in an abusive relationship and they will put it in writing and my therapist basically will have to understand that if they are called to court to give their professional opinion then they will have to be subpoenaed.
My ex has already violated his court orders multiple times and he continues to do it in writing, continues to tell me I'm difficult with no explanation, call me names, and make threats, and even compulsively lies so badly that he's lying about things my attorney did or did not do and things that his attorney did and did not do so nothing is going to look good against him in court.
We have them in writing changing stories multiple times about how things "ended"…. all of those lies that he's put in writing and accusations of what my attorney didn't do are all going to be used against him in court.
Every time he puts things in writing that is clearly gaslighting or lies all I do now is laugh! I laugh because he just keeps putting more things in writing.
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Thank you so much for all of your suggestions and ideas in this video. I have been separated from my ex narc since 2010. We have three children together and one of which he has been able to almost completely Alienated from me. We have been in and out of court over 13 times in the past seven years and I’ve had about 12 or more investigations from children and youth because of lies that he made to either children and youth hotline or therapist and psychiatrists. All of these investigations have been deemed “unfounded”, and he was actually getting them quite angry for doing it so much. They decided that he was using the paper sent to him that just says that your ex is being investigated, to try to keep the kids from me, And turn our friends and family against me.Each time they told him that he was not allowed to do that, and the judge even told him that too. But he didn’t care. It seems as though the courts were on my side for a lot of the time and part of that was because I had a lawyer from A Womans place which is a domestic violence nonprofit in our area. However he kept playing his little games and every time I had to I got sick due to cancer that I’ve had it twice,and I’m fighting it now, he started up his games again and would run around and tell everyone I was faking my cancer and that I was schizophrenic and abusing the kids and many more lies. I was starting to see a breakthrough with the son who was alienated. He started to recognize what his father was doing. During this time I was not going through any of my cancer treatment and I was working and his father was actually following the custody agreement to the best of his ability. He was also seeing a great counselor and who recognize what my ex was doing. But when I was diagnosed with this last cancer which is stage for terminal cancer, and I had to go into the hospital for two months straight and then often on for the rest of the year, he got them to believe that I was speaking my cancer and that I was abusing him at the same time. And of course he took me to court again and this time had a lawyer who was as sneaky as he was. There was one time when we were supposed to be Going to court and my lawyer ended up in the hospital at the last minute. He and his lawyer use the opportunity to bully me into a decision that I would never have made if I wasn’t bullied. His lawyer basically said to me I am ready to go to court with you today, whether you have representation or not. But if you agree to signing over your rights to a guardian ad litem, and a temporary lower custody schedule with that son, Till we see the judge next, I will agree to postponing this hearing. Of course I knew that I would do horribly in court without my lawyer because I have PTSD from all the abuse from him and other past abuse. I weighed the pros and cons and figured I would rather see my son less time temporarily, that jeopardize future custody of him in the future. Unfortunately that was not a good decision. From that moment on the judge just went by what the GAL suggested. And then I found out that the GAL was actually my ex-Narc’s Lawyer For our divorce seven years earlier. Needless to say, she already had a bad view of me even though she claims that she doesn’t, and that it didn’t affect her decisions. Yea right. But at the next hearing our judge just said that he was going to keep custody the way it was with me having nice contact with that son, while the GAL does a full investigation. And that we would be meeting again in February. Actually when I say we I don’t mean me and my ex-husband I mean the two lawyers the judge and the GAL. And this was even after my ex convince my son that I was speaking my cancer and for what I thought was my last year of my life he withheld and from me of all contact for over six months. The judge admitted that there definitely was parental alienation going on here. And even order my ex to allow my son to go with me to reunification counseling, and ordered him to allow my children to go to counseling for children who are going to lose their parent to terminal disease. He also said that my son has to be in counseling and that no one could change it except for the GAL. But wouldn’t you know, after six months, this counseling team finally saw exactly what was going on and confronted him and call children and youth. But of course he did what he always does and he went above her and said that he did not ever want to have her or the team meet with anyone in our family again. And of course we’re not supposed to do that only the GAL is allowed to do that so I am fighting him on this at the very moment. The judge did also say that if things don’t go the way they are supposed to till February, he wanted to or have our family have another evaluation from a psychiatrist. Just like we did when we first had our custody agreement. Ands of course my ex didn’t like the outcome of that either and try to have him fired and evaluation thrown out. He claimed that the psychiatrist Didn’t know what he was doing and lied about him in his evaluation. He said that he knew that the psychiatrist was a Democrat and is soon as he heard that he was a Republican he was against him. This was because after meeting with us, Together individually and each of us with our kids, he said that it was obvious that I was not the abusive one or the person with psychiatric issues. He stated that he felt he was the one who is abusing me and the kids and if he was correct in his evaluation and diagnosis of my acts, my ex would never be able to follow the custody agreement the way it is written for 50-50 custody. He then said that if and when he breaches that 50-50 custody agreement, it should be changed to primarily the mother having primary custody. And the father only having any visits or changes in custody till he has for psychiatric evaluation and receives the help he needs show that he will not violate the custody agreement. Unfortunately the judge didn’t think that to be true and gave us 5050 custody. And since that time my ex has never once follow the custody agreement the way it is written. He is with my health my kids about 75 times. he has tried to do many smear campaigns against me and my family, Both verbally and using Facebook making up Facebook groups and sending out invites to my friends and family and does he doesn’t even know. He even had the gall to go into my church and pass around rumors about me that were not true. The judge even banned him from ever talking to any of my friends family or church members. He went on to the go fund me website and made a fake claim that I was abusing the children for all these years and he needed help to get the courts to do the right thing and take the kids away from me. He claimed that he needed &3000 to pay court fines, that he should have never got. In this statement he even said “I don’t care what the judge says. I’m not going to do what he tells me to do. I’m going to do what I can to protect my children”. And believe it or not he raised well over the amount of money that he claimed he needed. And when we went to court you would’ve thought the judge would’ve been furious needed with that kind of behavior especially after saying to him just months earlier that if he sees a minute scored again he was going to lose custody of the children and be thrown in jail. However he did not do that. Somehow that narcissistic charm work. And the judge gave him more custody time with thatI had mentioned earlier. However for the past six months I have been doing a lot of research on narcissistic abuse and how the narcissistic mine works. He definitely knows my tender areas in how to press my buttons in and out of court. But I’m not gonna let them do that to me anymore. I’m going to get that book you had mentioned here and make myself some notecards to memorize them so that when we do go in front of the psychiatrist again I can do it use just mentioned. Please pray for me and thank you for all of your suggestions
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Can you suggest ways to practice staying grey rock? Since recovering from my own childhood narc issues i have built and maintained strong boundaries and so im not around a lot of people that trigger me. He is really the only one. Please help. I love yur videos. My plan is to sit on my hands and breathe..and breathe some more. I might even bring a grey hard rock in with me so that I can stay strong. And I will only respond with yes, no and okay. Is this okay? Will the therapist be okay with those responses?
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