Parenting Guide
Co-Parenting With A Narcissistic Ex
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Excellent guidance in this very difficult circumstance. Wish the legal system would recognise the abusive nature of such narcissistic parenting and grant full care to the standard bearer parent – would this not then prevent intergenerational narcissism?
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Same here…i was raised by a narcissitic mother in which i became an empath and thus raised in church which made me more of a victim within my emapthic personality and thus an easier victim to my narcissistic sociopathic husband…currently strategically trying to escape from my husband while protecting our son and managung my c/ptsd …and with that why is their no continuing education for judges, attorneys, social workers, therapists of all levels…these sre young lives and future generations at stake on eveey level such as us the victim trying to control/ recover from the c/ptsd and then be their for the child so they are protevted in their presence and future. ???
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He sounds like Dr. Phil ❤️??
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I have a narc ex that wont even agree to signing an agreement between the two of us and agree to a monthly visit with my daughter, he will go months without seeing her and will text her every couple weeks he loves her and misses her and why doesnt she call him….. i just want him to go away and so does she, she will be 15 in 2 weeks and she is tired of his shit.
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What do you do when your child comes back saying Dad and Fiancee are saying bad things about Mum with other people or between themselves and name calling and doing it in front of child? Or her arguing with him saying lies the Narc Dad has told her and child is responding saying No, that was Dad etc pure emotional manipulation. He comes back upset and angry, made to feel a liar by her just because shes believing his lies etc How do I manage these things? Also when we were together child was under Social Services High Risk for emotional until we both fled.
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While on the road working I woke to the motel phone beside the bed. Not a wake up call,rather the wife at home to my surprise because that meant a problem at home. She is distraught and crying as all night she had been harassed by some ones wife that she worked with. I asked why she didn't leave it off the hook after the first time she got woke up by someone's jealous wife. Not an overly jealous man and as we weren't dirty birds and didn't foul our bodies with extramarital affairs. I calmed her down best as I could and asked about our daughter who slept in bed with her mother when I was gone. She had endured the stress of those calls too. So I asked again why did she let that problem keep her and my baby up all night knowing school and work had to be went to regardless whether some woman called all night or not. She placed the blame right on the person responsible for his anger problems earlier in the marriage. If I had of called I would have raised hell because the phone was off the hook. She put my child through that using the thought process and method of an evil person to make me feel the guilt that I was working 12 hours a day 7 days a week to pay the bills and the payment on the new car or truck she rode in because either she was was that stupid or suffered herself along with my child and then me to have terrible days until now from that. That was in the 90's if memory serves. Two months alone trying to pick up the pieces after this 39 year emotional rollercoaster ride that is my life. And yes I am sad as I think she was imprinting my daughter to think it was daddys fault and of course she is her main flying monkey and my daughter was just recently hollering at bad daddy right after she took her mother in after this discard. I do feel guilty because I should have quit my job and went home and kicked her to the curb ,dug ditches for laborers pay and spared my child this problem we are all three dealing with now. You folks in Texas sure have been a godsend to an Old Mississippi boy who's ox is in the ditch. I can not afford professionals to council me nor would it help her as I can not even get her to talk to a preacher, who married us twice and is agreeable. I mated with her the first time we took vows and have held on to them but the second time I was trying to please her on our 25 anniversary. Dr. Carters book simply shows just how blind I was and how over time I have went from a confident hard worker,and known to be good at making things work with whatever I could find or modify on site to accomplish a given task. Whether in a Nuclear power plant and clean,or in the furnace of a steel mill,foreman,steward and officer in my local union,involved politically lobbying for our international on the Federal level for a week each spring and now no one I love has regard or respect for this confused man with only friends who use me as a tool without giving me props for being a good friend in their time of need. They including my wife and child see no value in me. The little boy who did not know why the father,mother,and older brother hurt him or that it was any different at others houses must learn to overcome this obstacle of which I have owned my half of creating that now is blocking forward movement in his family units path of life. I thank you folks in Texas and mean that.
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I'm planning on getting my son away from my ex covert narc but in a lawful way. Co parenting with this sick animal is all but impossible and it's doing our son more damage having to listen to her junk mouth me then me trying to undo it all in a controlled way is just confusing him…no more, it stops.
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Ok this is getting closer I'm looking for help with the kids raised in this manner before and without this information.
Without this area of expertise I the healthy parent becomes toxic with are modern day consolers asking the children if they want to talk = kids say No = more times then not. In our case I watched evey time (pretty much yearly) a fast ok you don't have to – kids ask if they can leave & yes. Still to this day that's the exact drill even police with violant episodes just leave us alone for me to have parental skills or it's my own fault my house is in dismay. THIS IS NOT NORMAL PARENT SKILLS = I found my good skills that raised 3 kids MADE these 2 kids worse SO I STAYED in consoling and tough love & hold accountable made things 10 x worse. After a good 10yrs of kids being mutilated in both homes I said and still stay firm NO this is not a tough love situation, I'm told I don't understand so we go threw another year or two of weekly session teaching me skills I was already doing – needless to say the kids are 22 & 25. No ability to function in a time the only answer is kick them out on the street – YA I did that to starting at age 18. It's not working any better then all the other tough love skills so I have to move to parts unknown 1 last time. This time knowing I'm leaving a another sic person (my son) homeless to servive with animal instincts. When I ask any professional or regular person how they might advise in getting this kid out so new owners don't find a house guest that has learned to live hear in hiding untill I catch on only to have the cops accuse me of lieing. = we are all watching this American crises over filling the streets. Sorry I have to laugh & yell at the same time because I was asking therapist 10 yrs ago = what are you going to do when the streets get to full of all these mutilated kids = that question is still presieved to be an unhealthy perception on my part. SO do either of you have any tips along this line ? We are stuck hear still alone in the same house knowing I'm trying to figure out how to afford moving & he has 1 skill violent rage of fear – they won't even put him in jail any more – they are protecting there liability – this kid is messed up & still ses NO to help 20 yrs same house in a small town. The dad lives 8hr drive away all these years. Both the schools & I watched & worked together AND NO in this case the narc did win & he was the only one paying. I realize this is finally being acknowledged YET my trying to find help keeps getting a check mark for an unhealthy uneakness & grandiouseness on my part – I've only tried 99 different ways to ask for help finding a reasonable solution in the last 24 year's. The good news is I'm crazy enough to keep surching = the blessing is watching solutions starting to grow. According to are local news our state of Oregon has the 2nd highest suicide rates in the US LOL in this County the prevention line sends cops & they hand cuff who called take them to ER wait a few hours for the mentalhealth specalist = the specialist gives a business card that will not let you talk or leave a message for that specialist. Now in all fairness they are keeping good statistics record's and that is an important step in this process. After 25 yrs I'm to sic & toxic – thank God there's this kind of help on you tube = scary how many ??? channel's it takes to get healthy help BUT it's better then what we lived threw without nothing but parent teacher conference asking me why all the signs of abuse come & go = they had to ask cuz its not possable = abuse either IS or IS'ENT. So I suggested they watch school brakes – holadays & vacations = it was black & white BUT I'm almost as messed up as my kids are today & still doing what's right the best I can
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We both made agreements via the court system and he blatantly flouts the order. He constantly drags our eldest Daughter into questionable behaviour and says he doesn't care. I had to report her missing because she didn't return home on time and any contact was with held. I've been up all night and feel Pig sick. The Police here in the UK can't do anything because its a civil matter. They take joy from your pain. They are sick individuals and I just wish our Daughter could see what he's doing; our other two children can.
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I believe in counseling and my husband and I are currently attending to deal with co-parenting with his narcissistic ex whom we have children with. What do you do if the NPD won't allow counseling for the children, and it is clear they would benefit having that safe place to talk. How do you get help with for the child if the other parent will not allow any at all?
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I've been slandered, financially exploited, had my children alienated against me, gas lighted and I'm still divorcing the monster. It's hard not to despise a narcissistic spouse. I can take it ,but what she does to our children is unforgivable. I will never ever forgive her . My main aim is to out live her and watch her go into the ground. Then I'll know she can no longer blight our lives. She is void of love or empathy or compassion. A bad mother a lousy human. I have every right to say this of her. Other then that , I don't rise to her bait. I'm stronger then her and I know my own mind. She is void of reason and will never agree to anything in the best interests of our children . Note that …. " our children" . For her it would be "my children ". That's the difference. Kind decent man marries narcissistic monster and has children with her. His relevance to her… " you were just a sperm donor" . Class act ain't she.!
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I think a child may come age when they may want to have say in the scheduling. But I may be wrong
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Thank you
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Thank you very much for this
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the most malignant narc parents do not give a " " for their children, and neglect them from the very beginning.
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thank you for your message i honestly really appreciate the last bit about being the standard for decency, and that is correct coz narcs don't have an ounce of decency, it is very hard raising two boys at the moment who see the ex narc as God especially since he is a "nice" narcissist, very charming and social and that is how he sets the stage to manipulate and then the mask starts to slip and it is hideous what lies beneath… its very disturbing, they have seen bits of his mask slip but the denial in them both is so strong plus he gives them false hope like one day they will go and live with him and they will all play happy families, its really messing with their heads so when they come back after a visit they really play up don't wake up for school, behave violently with each other and me, its so dense and heavy in the home i literally have to smudge everyday in getting those vile dark entities out of my house which get attached, i feel really weak at times and feel i can't go on
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Great topic. As I look back to my childhood, I recall that both parents, although divorced, never spoke unkindly about the other to me. I always felt grateful for this, and it spoke volumes about their character. They also asked me how the other was, and gave the feeling that they had a sense of caring about my other parent.
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2:25 = the Understatement of the Millennium
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My narcissistic ex has taken the kids during my parenting time multiple times. The family courts will only help you when a narcissistic ex doesn't follow the decree if you can afford the long legal battle. I would never expose my children to police officers and I was told by my attorney that the police would not get involved anyway.
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It is not good to deflect the narsisitists complaints because he would use them against you with the justice system. The best thing to do is not responding the their complaints.
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I wish I learned all this before I met my now ex husband. It may not have stopped me from being with him, but I would have been better prepared for this chapter in my life.
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Good luck my husbands ex brought her daughter to her graduation from high school and when she saw my husband she screamed a*^ hole you owe me money, in front of families and his brother in law had to tell her to shut up or leave! And she owed him money but she is so money hungry and is a bad shop alcoholic.
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Yes – but here is the question: When do you tell your children that their other parent is sick? Like an alcoholic or drug addict, these parents are really sick. Yet it seems like the therapists won't take a stand with this and really hold them strongly to what is healthy and not healthy for the kids. My ex is sharing WAAAAAAY to much with the kids, basically making them feel like they have to chose him and hate me. It is so insidious and sick. Is this something I can take to the courts and get full custody for??? Yes – just heard you call it. – "parental alienation" Yes yes yes. My eldest has completely cut off conversation and connection with me for almost 3 months now because he wants to buy his dad's story over me.
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And…I have worked DEEPLY on myself for 10 years and still find myself just tired of having to bite my tongue and hold back my feelings about him to him – or to my kids. That is sooooo easier said than done
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I’ve spent 13 years fighting in the courts for scraps to have contact with my son. The courts don’t understand narcissistic parents. They finally gave him the right to make “his own mind up”; yep, after 13 years of PA, like that’s gonna work!! Just played perfectly into the hands of his mother to tighten the grip. Haven’t seen him for over 7 months and can’t even speak to him. If you’re dealing with a sociopath narc mother who has custody, and the courts do nothing, there’s no hope.
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And never ever ask the child which parent do you like better , unless there is a possibility of that child being abused, such in sexual abuse . Many, Many, years ago I been put into that position and when I could not say Mom is the best or Dad is the best than they both pushed me away. Only ,somewhere between 6-8 years of age at the time. And today I still recall that day as if it was today. One of the worst things that can happen to a child . Just never ever do this.
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You have no idea how much this means x
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My kids dad will just drop him off a day(s) early or say he is busy and can’t see him. This throws both (kid and me) of us off. And I cannot make plans.
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23yr marriage. Divorced and gone for 13 yrs. obviously, still seeking understanding. My children are 26&30. The Ex is financially able to control the children through money. I adopted the Never Say or Judge, rule. As my Children, mature,… they have discovered on their own….. the truth. Now they seek help for deeper understanding. I am very glad I took the high road. No regrets. Bless you for this work and assistance. We are survivors of something, very individual, and like altering.
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I have been going through this for over nine years now I’ve tried and exhausted every option I’ve been to courts been burned twice by two attorneys I have two boys I’m raising with my ex she’s a female
I am the biological parent I’m dealing with covert narcissism and I need help I tried going to the courts she wound up turning all around on me I had my son taken away from me for eight weeks I could only see him every other weekend because she lied on me she’s also using my children against me and I am the biological parent she’s jeopardize my character lying on me to parentsShe’s pushing me out of basketball games will not coparent with me under any circumstance I don’t know what else to do this the fighting with my two boys they fight a lot and the other the X comes to my home to rescue my oldest son she’s been brainwashing and manipulating him for nine years please help I don’t know what else to do I’ve read books watch the videos hired two attorneys reached out for support from friends and this woman cannot be stopped I tried to reach out to her family her family believes her and do not want to get involvedI have two boys ages 11 and 13 please help me
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I respect what she is saying
but I tried it all and none of that has worked
I went back to Court several times
Judge Joanne Johnson out here in California she wound up allowing the narcissistic parent to take control over my youngest sons therapy and I was the one who initiated the therapy and the other parent never put them in therapy he went five times and that was it so the system has not been on my side and I am the victim of Alienation Parent Alienation and narcissistic abuse on the biological parent and yet I’m being pushed out of my sons life he’s almost 13 And the other parent her name is Krystal Jones she is manipulating and brainwashing my older son because she hates paying me child-support and she wants to take custody of him so she don’t have to pay me she knows that the younger son is smart and he’s not buying into her sick behavior so I’m lost I don’t know where to go or what to do please help
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Thank you dear friends!! Everything you both said resonated.
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